Hi, I’m so sorry to read about the pain you’re in. Sending you a hug.’
First of all: The BS comment he made about if you’d been earning the same money as before, maybe you would be getting divorced’ smacks of him using you as his personal ATM while he was f&$king your so-called ‘friend’ (who clearly is NOT a true friend).

He seems to be telling you one thing, but then acting in his (and her) best interests. ABSOLUTELY make sure you gather as much of a paper trail as you can to demonstrate just how much of a financial contribution you’ve made to the relationship over the years, compared to him.

Any judge that treats to unfairly because of the (hopefully, temporary) mental stress you’re living through at the moment, is an ass. Going through emotional anguish, depression, grief is a NORMAL reaction to a traumatic situation like the one you’re in currently. You’re dealing with coming to terms with his infidelity, hun moving out of the marital home, him moving in with another woman-committing adultery, the betrayal you justly feel in your friend betraying you and the threat of having your home sold from under you.

You’re also dealing with the fact that your dreams for a future together, and of having a child with him, have now been smashed.

Whilst doing everything with him sounds romantic, the sad truth is that doing so, probably means you’re socially-isolated with few outside interests and friends? It can be hard, but certainly not impossible at all, to transition from ‘we’ to ‘me,’ but the faster you work on developing this new mindset, the better it will be for your long-term mental well-being.

I’m glad you’re being strong about not financially supporting him to divorce you-What a bloody nerve he has! If he still has that credit card, cancel it. You don’t want him financing his new partner’s lifestyle at your expense…

See a lawyer and get them to get the court to subpoena his banks etc to discover all his financial assets. Of course he wants half of everything that you own and wants to keep his accounts! Unfortunately for him, that decision (hopefully, depending on where you live), won’t be his decision to make and the court will decide on the assets split.

Be prepared that he may make some money in joint bank accounts ‘disappear.’ Speak with the lawyer about the whether there is any legal method to curtail such activities, before cash starts ‘vanishing.’

Hi s his car in your name? If so check with the lawyer whether you can cancel the lease and stop making payments on the vehicle he drives.

Also-Get yourself tested for STDs-I doubt that he has been exclusive with you in having sex; there’s a strong possibility that he may have slept with you both.

Get angry with the situation, rather than depressed. Fight for your rights! Be kind to yourself mentally-It’s one hell of a shock so try to do relaxation activities such as yoga, mindfulness, eating well, keeping bedtime routine that is refreshing,,read blogs such as this one so you can reassure yourself that you’re not alone in this.

It’s time for him to step up, be a man and pay his own **** way! Go get some counselling for yourself on a weekly basis. Keep taking the anti-anxiety/depression meds. Your home is possibly the one stable thing you have in your life currently, so argue that taking that away from you by forcing you to sell it, would detrimentally affect your mental health further.

He’s thinking with his pen7$ right now. All reason and reasonableness seems to fly out the window when men are infatuated with a new lover. He wants money because he wants to set up a ‘nest’ with her…

This is horrible for you, but please don’t let your health decline. Breathe…Read the ‘Serenity Prayer.’ It helped me read as that there are some situations over which I have no control or say, therefore I worked on those over which I COULD have an element of ‘steering.’ You are not responsible for him and his actions-They are his choice as an adult. You can’t ‘control’ his actions, but you can (as you are already), take ‘control’ over the divorce paperwork/actions. He can’t have everything his way. You deserve respect. Hold your head high. Don’t drop to his low standards of behaviour, maintain your dignity and focus on looking after YOU.

You were married a long time, so being suddenly left when you believed your marriage was good, as a bound to hit you like a brick wall. The situation confuses the hell out of our brains, our hearts, our very understanding as being and belief of who we are, and whether our husbands ever really loved us. You’re probably questioning everything about hung right now. No longer sure who or what to trust? But…his shoddy behaviours are HIS, not yours.

You may still have children. Perhaps, when you have healed from all this, you will meet a new partner who has children. Perhaps you’ll adopt? Perhaps you’ll become a foster parent?….There are many options still.

Moving on, healing, coming to terms with the new, unexpected reality of being left takes time. It involves grieving, inner reflection, not blaming yourself, not mentally tearing yourself apart. When he next sees you (whenever that may be), do you want her to look radiant and smug while you look like a wrecked shell of your former self? Don’t let him, her or the situation ruin your confidence, beauty and self-belief.

‘Fight back’ by seeking counselling to help you cope, take care of your body (swimming, yoga, walking, cycling). Ask your doctor for sleeping pills so you can get some quality sleep, listen to calming music, read forums like this one so you don’t feel so alone in the situation (many, many cheated on women on here, sadly). Get all your ducks in a row financially. Yes, money might not mean much to you right now, but in your older years, it may mean the difference between a quality life with paid help, or a life of struggle. Think forwards.

We can’t take the pain away when our husband we loved does the dirty on our relationship. We lose our best friend, our confidante, our lover. It can feel like half of us has been chopped off…that we’ve lost part of who we are. Our role as a wife has just evaporated.,

He may tire of her eventually and ask to come back to you, but once a cheater…often, always a cheater. You were good to him in your marriage. Now it’s time to focus on being kind and good to yourself. We cannot know what the future may bring, so take things one day, one hour if needed, at a time. Write some positive affirmations on post-it notes and stick them around the first mirror you will see when you wake up every day. Look in the mirror, read the affirmations out loud to yourself, realise what an idiot he has been in leaving you, but then ask yourself ‘what can I do today that will be a positive step forward for ME?’ Then do it.

If you have trusted friends, it’s ok to share your hurt feelings with them. Maybe some of them have also been through a divorce? A counsellor I saw when my husband left me and I felt the world had ended, told me ‘if everyone gave up on life after being left by their partner and allowed themselves to fall apart, we’d have no doctors, no teachers etc.’ It brought the realisation to me that, unfortunately, divorce is not uncommon.

Breathe…slowly and intentionally. Practice ‘mindfulness.’ Don’t let him and the divorce consume you and your thoughts. Keep healthy and work towards ‘happy.’ Life seems overwhelming right now, but you will heal over time. One step at a time. One breath at a time. Calm…..

Then focus on being the best possible version of you that you can be. Deal with the situation with dignity. Don’t let them take that away from the amazing person you are 🙏

I am sorry. Your words connect with how I feel too. Running out the door but just wanted you to know your not alone.

I'm so sorry for your pain. My husband, whom I've been with for 24 years,just asked for a divorce.
I feel gutted and unsure how I'll face people from here on. Walking around the neighborhood with my dog and kids will not be the same. I'm afraid I'll suddenly start crying and that neighbors,and especially my kids, will only see me with red, teary eyes.
My kids still don't know, though they might have overheard something last night.
I've been a stay at home mom, home schooling them since they were young, and I have nothing.
I feel like curling into myself and cocooning. I can't though.
I can only imagine your pain.
I just discovered this site, and I'm happy it and you exist.
Keep breathing. Keep taking care of your pets. I'm happy you have them
Even though I don't know you, I am happy you exist.