I am totally lost. I woke one morning back in February of 2020 and everything in my life changed in a blink of an eye. I had been married to my husband for twenty years. He was my second husband and raised my 27 year old daughter since she was 4. She had no relationship with her father, and she thought of my current husband as her dad. She had a child with a guy who turned out to be abusive to her and my grandson. While they were going thru a custody battle, my husband and I decided to let her move back into our home with my grandson for her protection. She moved here in May of 2018 and everything was blissful for a time. My husband retired in March of 2019 and I was still working part time. My husband and I were always together. We had a wonderful life together. We were super comfortable financially. We traveled and had expensive dinners out every weekend. Life was good. About six months before February of 2020, I notice an extreme change in him. He was drinking all the time and getting drunk. He started being nasty to me and picking fights over stupid things. He also starting treating my daughter nasty as well. On the morning of February 2, 2020 my daughter came out of the shower in her robe and when to her room to dress. She happen to be looking for something in a chair in her room and found his cell phone on record. He was trying to video her naked. She and I called the police. He begged me to forget it. He said he got involved in internet porn and he needed more. The police charged him and removed him from the home. I filed for divorce. The divorce is still not done due to Covid. It's been 20 months and I still can't seem to feel better. I feel so betrayed. Really need to know if anyone else has ever been thru something like this.
I can't even imagine. I haven't been through anything like that.
But I am wanted to know you were heard and I am so sorry this happened to your daughter and you.
However, on the other hand listening to you actions surrounding this it filled my heart with love because of the wonderful mother you are and of the protection you gave to your daughter.
Hi Sheryl, I really feel for you and your daughter. You’ve both been horribly betrayed by someone you loved and trusted deeply. I too, am SO proud of you for protecting your daughter through all that. Your maternal instinct was spot-on 🙏
The empty void that has been left will be confusing for your mind. Who on Earth could have predicted his behaviours? So, now your subconscious is no doubt trying to make sense of this non-sensical situation. He’s a grown man who chose to take an inappropriate video of his step-daughter. No one made him do it. No one pressed the ‘record’ button or placed the phone on the chair but him. He has to face the consequences therefore.
Hopefully, once the divorce is finalised you’ll begin the healing process. I the meantime, focus on taking care of your health. Eat nutritionally, exercise, do yoga, meditate, try tai-chi, read, take part in social events, meet with friends etc. Activities can help distract the negative thoughts. I really would encourage you (and your daughter) to see a counsellor. A qualified trauma counsellor. Sometimes it’s not comfortable to talk to friends and family about a shocking experience you’ve been through, and having someone to share your thoughts and feelings with in confidence, can lift some of the burden. You may be grieving the loss of the future and future plans you’d made/assumed with him. This is also a completely normal trauma and grief response. The trick is to start creating new memories, new future plans, new ways of seeing and doing. It’s one heck of a betrayal you’ve been dragged through, so please talk with a qualified mental well-being practitioner (and thank Goodness your daughter found that bloody phone…)