You said it 👍
You are absolutely right Tina

Thank you so much for the kind and sweet words, Tina. I really appreciate your advice and help. Thank you for responding back to my msg and giving me helpful advice. It really means alot. I am young and so getting a wiser woman’s perspective really helps. I talked to him today and it was an arranged marriage amongst family. I only stayed with him a month and came back here. This is the reason he is upset because he says that his previous relationship he had was with a woman in the UK and she did the same. She kept telling him that she would come and visit him but then ended up visiting him for a week and then never returning back to see him and he waited a year for her so due to that hurt he decided he wanted to get married. He said now that he is married he expected to receive that love from me being his wife but apparently I left him and I don’t care about him and his feelings to even return back to Thailand to see him.

My siblings are worried and say the same thing you are saying that they believe he will be not only verbally abuse but physically abuse me as well. They said they want me to make my marriage work but they don’t think it’s worth for me to think he’ll change and then it will be worse once he is here because then he has access to me and to hurt me if anything doesn’t work out. I am just holding out hope that he might change once he is here and we spend more time together because that might make the love between us grow. My siblings think that may happen but that will fizzle and his true colors will show like they are now. My older sister and younger brother met him and they both believe that he will be physically and emotionally abusive. Even when we were back home he would get upset that I would talk to my siblings and he would always say “oh why are they calling, why do you always have to talk to them” I just feel so stuck because I want to think maybe he is being the way he is because of the hurt he feels because I didn’t stay with him and maybe he will change once he is here and we spend more time together. The love can grow between us. I just don’t know what to do because he seems so sweet and sincere and then he switches and lashes out like crazy.

He also gets upset if I tell my parents or my siblings that he is talking badly to me since it makes him look bad and he will always tell me not to tell them anything if he does talk badly about them. But everytime we get into an argument and I say something a little mean to him he tells everyone and he even tells them half truths and lies to make me seem like the bad one. He is also the first to go and complain to them meanwhile I don’t say anything until they ask me if something happened amongst us.

Do you think he might change once he is here and maybe he is acting terribly because I’m not over there?

No, I don’t hun. I’m sincerely worried for your well-being if you let him move in with you. Look at what your older sister and younger brother think of him. They are also not getting ‘good vibes’ from him (already).
That, and the fact a woman from the UK ran a mile from him and didn’t return again once she’d met him in person. These are all ‘warning signs.’

The fact he’s trying to stop you from communicating with your family is controlling behaviour. I strongly suspect he may try to socially-isolate you from friends and family if he moves in with you so people can’t see and hear what’s going on ‘behind closed doors.’ This is a dangerous situation to be in and highly likely to happen, as he’s already telling half truths lies about you to others to blame you for things you haven’t done, or said. He’s already starting to work at manipulating other people’s opinions of you as part of an attempt to humiliate, devalue and scapegoat you. What do you do? Well…in your own words-you say nothing. You try to not ‘rock the boat’ and just ‘grin and bear’ it.

Read your own words hun “ He seems so sweet and sincere and then he switches and lashes out like crazy.”

Please, please, please KEEP AWAY from this human. Do NOT let him move in with you. I’m not sure what the cultural implications are for you regarding divorce, but surely no culture wants women to become victims of domestic violence and coercive control/gas-lighting.

You sound as if you’re still planning on allowing him to come live with you. We don’t live in Disneyland hun. The chances of him turning into Prince Charming are next to ZERO. The chances of you getting emotionally and maybe even physically hurt are…just too high to take the risk. He already appears to try to guilt you into buying him gifts and giving him money. What if he makes you work two jobs to keep him happy, treats you badly, then leaves you because he had no intention of staying married and only wanted a spousal visa? I know that sounds cruel, but it happens time and time again, sadly.

Why take the risk of messing your life up? Ditch the loser before you have little choice in the matter because he’s living with you and has started controlling who you can see, speak to, what money you can spend etc etc…

Thank you so much, Tina. I truly appreciate your helpful advice and sweet and reassuring words. I wish I could hug you hehe. 🤗 I really do appreciate you for responding back. I have decided to choose my happiness instead of looking at his since he clearly doesn’t care for me or my happiness. I can’t live the rest of my life in misery. Granted I feel sad that my short lived marriage didn’t work out but at least I won’t be crying or being emotionally abused. I just hope God is seeing me through this and he brings someone into my life that treats me with love and care ❤️ Thank you again.