First of all, I want to send u a virtual hug for being so strong. You clearly have great insight into the fact that his behaviours are the main driver behind your mental anguish and stress. To answer the phone with a flat ‘what?’ when you were in the psych ward (unless you called him over and over and over), was just cruel and disrespectful in his part.
So- He’s love-bombed you. He’s committed adultery. He’s rude and disrespectful towards you and probably prayed on you as a ‘victim’ when you were no longer surrounded by familiar friends and associates when in your religion. Guys like him deliberately go on the hunt for potential vulnerable persons. It’s part of narcissism. They feed on seeing their victim (often their intimate partner) crying, doubting themselves, being financially and emotionally dependent on them. They’ll try to socially-isolate their victim. Lack empathy. Lack remorse. Often other people see them as charismatic, charming etc, but it’s all a ‘game’ to them and it’s about ‘winning’ and doing what the hell they want, when they want, with whom they want etc. The way to get back at a narcissist is to leave and cut them out of your life entirely. Ignoring them drives them crazy, as it means they lose control over you (although expect a nasty legal divorce and prepare yourself by only communicating via a lawyer-never directly with him). Change your phone number, address etc. change the route you use to drive to work/where you shop for groceries etc and hope he gets bored eventually.
People like him can make their victims turn inwards-self-blame, self-harm, ‘losing your shut’ temporarily-are in fact, normal trauma responses, so please don’t give yourself a hard time about your mental health suffering. You have been victimised. You are a survivor of emotional and mental abuse. HE is the problem. Not you 🌞
I don’t live in the USA, so I can’t answer your question about divorcing. However, I think you are amazing and brilliant for starting to organise every thing in preparation for leaving him. Well done 🌸
I’m very sorry to hear that you felt bullied into terminating your pregnancy. Some grief and loss counselling might be helpful. I know this sounds heartless, but I really don’t meN it that way at all, but a little part of me is kind of relieved that you’re not going to still be tied to him via shared custody of a child. He might have even been able to prevent you and the child from moving interstate-meaning he would have had a ‘hold’ on you emotionally still for years after the child was born. Much better to wait and have a child with a nicer, kinder man who will treat your future child/ren with kindness and who will set a good example to them. Not in any way marginalising or downplaying how you must feel about the termination. Not at all. It’s a traumatic experience, so give yourself permission to grieve. It’s all part of the healing process that takes time.
I think you’re great! You’ve posted on here, you recognise that his behaviours are not ok and you’re taking action to get him out of your life, by getting ready to move away and divorce him. Hopefully, your mental well-being will settle back down to whatever ‘normal’ looked like before for you. Yes, you’ll still probably experience OCD, but when your heart rate and anxiety levels have settled down more, I’m hopeful that you’ll be able to find a lot more peace and inner, as well as outer, calm. I wonder if there is a not-for-profit helpline in your area that could answer your legal questioner: divorce?