This may see a ridiculous question but I don’t know what to do, or do I and I just dare not make that decision. We have been married for 27years and have always been so loving and close. But over the last few years thing have been difficult and I don’t know whether our relationship is irrecoverable. We haven’t been intimate for almost 2 years which is my doing really I just don’t have those feelings anymore not just for him just not at alll, could it be the menopause? The last 2 years have been tough for both of us as we both work in either the NHS or bereavement so the pandemic has been tough. We used to also have something to say now we barely speak and it’s very acrimonious when we do. I don’t think either of us thought we’d ever be like this but I’m worried that we are just avoiding admit that our love has gone. We don’t seem to able to agree on anything anymore and when we do speak I’m up and he’s down or vice versa. I have experienced an unexpected lose earlier this year which I’m beginning to realise that I haven’t begun to process. I have also been experiencing severe pain and I know he does understand but I don’t feel that he does. Life overwhelmed me everyday and I constantly have suicidal thoughts and if not for my son I know I would have acted on them. I just don’t know where to turn I don’t think either of us wishes to end our marriage but I don’t know how to even begin to try. Maybe after 28 years we habpve just grown apart and just can’t admit it.... I don’t know what anybody can suggest I’m a talker but my husband is a keep quiet and carry on things will work out xx thank you for any suggestions or advice

A lot of pressures you’ve pointed to, are not driven by either of you, but actually by workplace stress, grieving, the menopause/lack of intimacy etc.

It may be time to take a joint vacation. Go somewhere sunny and switch off mentally from work for 10 days or whatever time off you can both get. Drink cocktails, swim, see new sights and see if the ‘spark’ returns. If it doesn’t-then it may be time to look at splitting up your relationship. If it does-well…maybe a change of job location/routine etc might shake things up for you both again?

It’s so easy to fall into the rut of routine, work, bills, responsibility etc. sometimes it’s nice to take a break from all those emotional ‘pulls’ so your true, natural self can shine through. Through off boring and dull and giggle/have fun. Maybe get some grief and loss counselling and HRT treatment for yourself also, to lighten the emotional and physical loads on you also? 🌺

Hi, as I was reading your post I felt what you feel as I'm currently in the same situation as you are. My husband and I have been together for 22 years, have 2 beautiful children and have established a lot in those years BUT with time we've drifted apart. My goals, my future, my desires are not his and vice versa. We have traveled the world, seen many places that one could just wish to see but all of that seemed like a cover up to a deep rooted problem we both have avoided talking about. I know he's unhappy especially when he says that the one place he's happiest is when he plays poker and spends time with kids... OUCH!!! It's strange and sad to say that the man I've lived with for 22 years is a stranger in my house. I don't know who he is anymore. We currently live under one roof and don't really talk at all. We are roommates as we sleep in separate rooms. We don't have sex and haven't had it in 3 months. The worst thing for me and that's when I ask myself do I still love him is when I find myself go crazy just thinking about him having someone else. I'm mad, angry, vicious animal but thinking about those feelings makes me wonder if I'm just mad because I can't control him anymore!!! I need to work on that and tell myself that it is for better. I also need to slowly prepare myself each day how to handle such emotions as i know when that time comes to say goodbye it will be a horrible day however I'm hoping emotional preparation will help me overcome this a little easier. I tell myself daily that my kids don't deserve to grow up in a dysfunctional family. I don't want them to grow up thinking that the way behave towards eachother is normal. I want them to see both of us happy, smiling, caring, affectionate, loving, fun even if we aren't together. I yearn for attention and affection and talking to my husband but i want to actually BEING HEARD. I find myself talking but I'm not existing. I too had crazy suicidal thoughts but I think of my kids and don't allow HIM to dictate how my life turns out. I don't know why most women allow themselves to feel this way when things go bad. I have yet to hear of a man feeling this way. I told myself-baby steps each day. Today I've opened up my own phone account, removed myself from his. I've separated our credit cards. Tomorrow I'm meeting with an attorney to discuss my divorce options as I would like to stay in the house until my kids finish up this school year. And then I will see what day after tomorrow brings. We haven't exchange one word for 3 months and last night I've asked him to sit down so we could talk. After the talk I was an emotional wreck. Couldn't go sleep as I had mixed emotions. Woke up this morning and the same emotions were there. Came to work, couldn't focus, started crying in my office - GOD knows what about- as I didn't think about anything I particular but I was overcome by all of these emotions from sad to guilt to how can this happen to me? to is this really happening? to why? to why is he acting so cold? To how can he have work goals but not family goals? To MANY OTHER ?????... My brain at this moment is very overwhelmed and I'm tired but you know what THERE'S ALWAYS TOMORROW. I truly believe that everything in life happens for a reason. We might not know the reason why now but sooner or later we will see it. Couples who go through what we are going through have the same emotions and it's very understanding to feel that way because you are leaving your "comfort zone" that you've created over the years with the person who you thought would have your back at any time. We only can control what we do and how we do it but have to learn to let the others decide for themselves. Do what you think is best for you as you have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else. Trust me when I tell you that your kids will be happier and more satisfied when their mommy is the confident, loving and fun person. We have one life, one shot at this so use it wisely. ❤❤❤❤

I would recommend marriage counseling for you both. Sometimes we need a third party to help up work through issues that we can't resolve on our own.

Good luck!