Hi, as I was reading your post I felt what you feel as I'm currently in the same situation as you are. My husband and I have been together for 22 years, have 2 beautiful children and have established a lot in those years BUT with time we've drifted apart. My goals, my future, my desires are not his and vice versa. We have traveled the world, seen many places that one could just wish to see but all of that seemed like a cover up to a deep rooted problem we both have avoided talking about. I know he's unhappy especially when he says that the one place he's happiest is when he plays poker and spends time with kids... OUCH!!! It's strange and sad to say that the man I've lived with for 22 years is a stranger in my house. I don't know who he is anymore. We currently live under one roof and don't really talk at all. We are roommates as we sleep in separate rooms. We don't have sex and haven't had it in 3 months. The worst thing for me and that's when I ask myself do I still love him is when I find myself go crazy just thinking about him having someone else. I'm mad, angry, vicious animal but thinking about those feelings makes me wonder if I'm just mad because I can't control him anymore!!! I need to work on that and tell myself that it is for better. I also need to slowly prepare myself each day how to handle such emotions as i know when that time comes to say goodbye it will be a horrible day however I'm hoping emotional preparation will help me overcome this a little easier. I tell myself daily that my kids don't deserve to grow up in a dysfunctional family. I don't want them to grow up thinking that the way behave towards eachother is normal. I want them to see both of us happy, smiling, caring, affectionate, loving, fun even if we aren't together. I yearn for attention and affection and talking to my husband but i want to actually BEING HEARD. I find myself talking but I'm not existing. I too had crazy suicidal thoughts but I think of my kids and don't allow HIM to dictate how my life turns out. I don't know why most women allow themselves to feel this way when things go bad. I have yet to hear of a man feeling this way. I told myself-baby steps each day. Today I've opened up my own phone account, removed myself from his. I've separated our credit cards. Tomorrow I'm meeting with an attorney to discuss my divorce options as I would like to stay in the house until my kids finish up this school year. And then I will see what day after tomorrow brings. We haven't exchange one word for 3 months and last night I've asked him to sit down so we could talk. After the talk I was an emotional wreck. Couldn't go sleep as I had mixed emotions. Woke up this morning and the same emotions were there. Came to work, couldn't focus, started crying in my office - GOD knows what about- as I didn't think about anything I particular but I was overcome by all of these emotions from sad to guilt to how can this happen to me? to is this really happening? to why? to why is he acting so cold? To how can he have work goals but not family goals? To MANY OTHER ?????... My brain at this moment is very overwhelmed and I'm tired but you know what THERE'S ALWAYS TOMORROW. I truly believe that everything in life happens for a reason. We might not know the reason why now but sooner or later we will see it. Couples who go through what we are going through have the same emotions and it's very understanding to feel that way because you are leaving your "comfort zone" that you've created over the years with the person who you thought would have your back at any time. We only can control what we do and how we do it but have to learn to let the others decide for themselves. Do what you think is best for you as you have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else. Trust me when I tell you that your kids will be happier and more satisfied when their mommy is the confident, loving and fun person. We have one life, one shot at this so use it wisely. ❤❤❤❤