Hi,after that many years of being together you should be able to have a SERIOUS sit down conversation about what's bothering you and not just jokingly ask him those questions. It bothers you so ask.. you really have to express your true emotions and how he is making you feel. All of the things you've said about how he behaves with others should be brought to his attention as honestly he might not be doing anything on purpose or with no intention of hurting you. I feel as if after that many years of being together couples get used to one another and the way they behave that it's simply automatic. It almost feels like when you're around others you have to switch personalities and who knows maybe what you see when he is around others is not the person he enjoys to be but puts on the act. Maybe he enjoys being the quiet guy with very little to say and he maybe loves the fact that he is able to do that with you. I would just confront him in a very sincere way and tell him how that makes you feel. You've come this far so you are doing something right in your relationship. 😁❤ good luck and keep us posted.