Hello
I filed for divorce 1 year ago after a 32 years of marriage the reason was he was always controlling and he always needed to have the last word in our relationship
I got tired of him treating me this way and during an argument he threatened me just because I did not agreed with him.
When I expressed my feelings or ideas he will always criticize about it and we always ended up arguing
I could not talk to him
We run a business together that can be done in separate ways
I do not have to see him or vice-versa (which I like)
I have not lived with him since I filed for divorced and we have not seen and talked since the divorce was filed.
One of our employees work for both of us
So today one of our employee worked with me and he also works with my ex (when he needs him) I will call my Employee (PauL) (at times Paul seen him the way my ex treated me without any respect towards me)
So Paul told me that he worked with my ex last week and he still devastated ,sad, about the divorce and he is truly truly sorry the way he treated me by threatening me and he did not meant it and he would not do such thing to me and he was even in tears crying 😭 😢 when he was talking to Paul .
I do feel sorry for my ex even though I do not want to reconcile after he threatened to kill me just because I did not agree with him.
That is not even a joke that you can say to me or anyone
I got very scared when he threatened me a year ago and without telling him I just took whatever I needed to survive and filed for divorce .
I do not want to go back to my ex because I am afraid of him
WHY I am still feel sorry for him because he actually lost the whole Family because my adults kids does not want to do anything with their father after he threatened me even during our marriage my Kids also had some problems with their dad
He was an controlling father to them that’s the reason they did not have father or son relationship.
How can I just move on with my life without thinking about what Paul told me about my Ex that he sad, hurt, sorry , sleepiness night crying, regretful , he has lost weigh etc....
And my ex and myself now Paul he has been working with us for more than
30 Years he is just like a Family to us (he is not going to make up this things)
I want to stop feeling Sorry 😐 for him because he has no one around (all he has a sister as a close family member)
Even though I feel sorry for my ex I even do not want to be his Friend or be together anymore because he is also have some anger issue and he can sometime be manipulative.
What do you think about my situation ??
Thank you for reading about my problem and greatly appreciate your output

I think you should cut yourself some slack. It sounds like high time that he grew a conscience. This could very well be just another attempt to manipulate you and your feelings. This man threatened to end your life! He scared you and flipped out if you tried to express your opinion!

Keep well away from him and don’t make direct contact. He’s probably feeling sorry for himself that’s all. Especially if he’s a narcissist. You ‘won’ by protecting yourself and walking away from the marriage. A narcissist wouldn’t like that at all as they hate losing control over their partner.

Your adult kids have also witnessed his controlling personality. That many family members, all drawing the same conclusion - ie It’s best to keep a distance from him, truly indicates he must have been pretty awful to you all.

Hello Ola
Thank you for your reply
The threatened phrase that he said to me was
(Linda you lucky to be alive) just because I did not agree with him and because I was not in his side to agree with his opinions
Do you think man like this does not realized that he is hurting people that loved him?
Is aware what he had said?
I know deeply in my hurt I feel he is sorry but I cannot live with him anymore knowing that he said that to me
Can a person just say this phrase just like an joking way ??

It’s hard to say without knowing the context of the situation at the time it was said. Did he shout it? Look angry? Look mean? Snarl it at you? In any case, if you felt threatened by him, be reassured that that’s not an ok way for him to have made you feel. Trust your gut instinct. Trust you made the right decision to leave to keep yourself safe. If you feel sorry for him and go back to him/he’s ‘won’ hasn’t he? and he may feel he can treat you the hell however he wants in future and that you won’t leave again (or if you did, chances are he’d ‘guilt’ you all over again and you’d go back to him).

Hi Ola
He did get angry and disappointed that I did not agree with him that”s why he said that awful phrase
Come to think of You are very right if I decide to go back he will start controlling me again and get even angrier every time I don”t agree with him it will be an on and off relationship every time we argue and he might even be a violent person now because I filed for divorce without letting him know

(He is the type of person that if he sees a white color object but is actually a black color object I will have to agree with him that is white no matter what just because I am his wife )

He have always said to me that “I am never on his side” and I told him what is right is right and what is wrong is wrong
All through out the years I have been working in our business
He does not realized that we both built this business together as a couple and he thinks that I have not done nothing
That also bothers me
Thank you again
God Bless you 🤗

I understand, my ex- was also very controlling and emotionally abuse.

I also felt a little sorry for my ex-. But actions have consequences and these are the consequences for his actions and choices.

You can feel sorry for him without feeling like you have to do anything about it. You have no power or responsibility for his situation, stay firm on your boundaries and keeping building your life.

All the best!
Kelly