I met my wife July 16th 2010. and aside from one week I went to see my family have been with her every single day since. We married in April 2016. I am not sure why I did not see it or chose not to see it for so long but she is very controlling and manipulative. Some how everything ends up being my fault. Even when I know it was her.... She has such a way with words that I start feeling like I am crazy for thinking anything is wrong. Or why am I not happy she does so much... I come from a very abusive childhood and think that my PTSD from that blinded me. She does all the bills and is OCD about checking the bank accounts or Credit card accounts... If I stop and get a coffee, or fast food or anything really I get a lecture about it. I have to ask permission to do anything go any where. I feel guilty if I want to do anything with out her. Every single small disagreement from about 6 months into the relationship she asks me why I stay with her. Why don't I go find someone who will make me happy. If she is such a jerk and such a ***** why do I stay.... even for tiny disagreements like about laundry or dishes. I always reassured her that I wasn't going any where and I loved her. Because I rationalized that was because of her passed traumas. She does have DID and says that every single disagreement or argument has been one of her alters and not her.... she has never had a fight with me ever... in 11 yrs of a relationship she claims it was never her. for the longest time i felt like I couldn't leave cause I would be the asswhole that left someone for medical reasons. I lost myself some where along the way.. I finally stopped trying to get her to go to therapy and started therapy myself a few months back. I also recently got diagnosed with ADHD. I am learning so much about myself. I feel a bit late in life. but I am still learning. I feel like I deserve to be happy. which I did not feel for a long time. I am starting to believe I am worthy of happiness and i can do this on my own if I have to. She has never been physically abusive to me and i do not think she ever would. But I am coming to realize she is very emotionally abusive and controlling and manipulative. About a month ago I was on the verge of walking out and leaving everything behind. She agreed to go to therapy.. even though she said repeatedly she did not need it. Well she came home form therapy last Tuesday saying that the therapist (who I also go to) said she did not need therapy any longer and we should do couples therapy. I was shocked... and said well I am still continuing my personal therapy.... she say well of course you need it! WTF! I had Therapy on the following Thursday and spoke to the therapist about this revelation.... she said that is absolutely not what I said. The therapist suggested we had a couples session before the end of year since our out of pockets are all met and both our sessions have been talking about the other person , while we still had our individual sessions and continued to work on each other. My wife takes works from multiple sentences and creates her own. and what she comes up with is absolute truth and will not listen to anything else. I have decided that I cannot do this any more... I have a whole house and building ( storage shed) to go through and separate out our stuff and what I want to keep. So I feel like I cannot leave until that is complete. I have given myself a time frame to be done and ready by February. I have not told her my plan cause I know she would just tell me to leave.. I do not want to deal with having to come back. or deal with the fighting if I try to stay till ready. Is it horrible of me to not tell her.... or to want to leave at all...
Hi, It doesn’t sound as if your partnership is equal. You sound stressed, tired and sad and that’s not a fun way to live life. Couples therapy sounds like a good idea. At least you can then have peace of mind that if your relationship doesn’t improve-you’ve at least tried to work on it. How patient are you also though? Are you annoying?! Untidy?! Why does she fly off the handle? Is any of it ‘justified,’ or is she just being mean to you? You certainly should not have to justify or feel guilty about buying a cup of coffee! Good Heavens…