I get it. !y husband of 20 yrs just informed me 2weeks ago ghat he wants a divorce. I cry everyday and if I talk to him I get so angry and I have no one to talk to.

Hi, Keeping a journal can be cathartic as you can write your inner-most feelings down and reflect on your feelings daily. This can help ID any patterns-such as particular activities that tend to make you feel sad or lonely, so you can try to sidestep doing those things.

I’m currently on vacation and travelling alone. I see couples of my age everywhere. I quietly think to myself ‘that’s not fair’ when I see couples in their 50s holding hands, when only up to recently, my husband (who has left me and bought a new home for himself) always reached out and held my hand when we were out walking together. So, like you, I thought - I need to start on a new pathway and be brave and ‘get out there.’ At first, I felt crap sitting on my own in a cafe eating lunch/grocery shopping alone etc, but now, the awkward feelings are beginning to lessen. I don’t have a heap of friends, as my husband and kids were the focus of my world. The few really good friends I have, are supportive, but I’m aware that I’ve emotionally leant heavily on them. At first, I definitely needed them; their support and their advice. But then I began to realise that I was continuing to allow my grief of loss to dominate and permeate throughout ‘me’ and who I was. I knew that every time I spoke to them, I’d revert to wanting to talk about my breakup. In essence-it began to define me and my conversation. Once I realised that, I started to try new things. Going to theatre plays, I bought an e-bike. I took myself off on a driving holiday etc-the upshot being; suddenly I had new experiences to share.

I’m not fine either, but I keep work as work and am focusing on taking care of myself-physically and spiritually. The emotional side of healing will take more time-but I’m prepared to allow myself that-just as long as the grief is a small part of my life; rather than all-consuming as it initially was.

Speaking to a psychologist can really help too. It means you can talk openly and share your innermost worries in a safe and supportive space. It also means you don’t ‘burn out’ your friends. It’s a positive that you say you’re tired of being sad, as this means, emotionally, your brain is looking for possible ways forward/change. Embrace that momentum and keep moving forward, one week, one day, one hour etc at a time. At your pace. We can’t change the past; what’s done is done, but we can control our ‘present’ and steer it towards a positive future pathway through self-love, self-care, and by realising that we are one of millions (unfortunately) of women who are globally, going through a similar grief process. You are far from being alone in this hun. You are part of a strong sisterhood of women who have been treated unfairly by someone they loved and trusted in completely. It’s not fair. It sucks. It’s morally wrong. But you know what? You deserve SO much better than the ****e you’ve been put through. What brings you joy? Think hard! Is it music? Food? A pet? Yoga? Meditation? Pick something and then focus on perusing it as a hobby to distract your mind. Switch it up occasionally so you try new skills, then when you feel confident, maybe join a social group that also does the activity (a dining group/an exercise class/an online yoga workout class etc). It’s a huge cliche, but time does help to heal the soul. You start to gain a slightly enlightened perspective that the relationship was not perfect. That-even if they wanted to come back to you-maybe you’d pause and consider what old habits etc of his you’d be letting back into your life. I’m sure not all of them were healthy/good/positive for you as a person?

Big hug 🤗

Your words resonate inside me. I am struggling so much as feel when he left he didn't just take himself away....he took my whole identity. 20 years of being best friend, wife, lover. I desperately miss him and feel I just wasn't good enough. I find it so difficult to go anywhere now. Who am I if not the wife, what have I to offer, what on earth can I possibly talk about beyond the pain? I have let this consume me. Just wonder where to find the confidence to let the pain go a little, to push myself into new situations where I can try to live my life again? I know the only one suffering is me and I so want to put a stop to it. Feel like the only one in a sea of happy couples..... Oh yeah, self pity appears to have become my unwanted friend!

Wow I totally understand you. I’m so sad. I’m heart broken. I am the one that’s leaving but it’s because he has broke my heart so many times. Everyday in this marriage I am so hurt I feel like I’m dying inside. I pour out my feelings to him and he pretty much ignores me and just insults me. I’m devastated at the person that he’s become. I thought he was my knight in shining armor but he’s wrecked my life. I have nothing without him. I have no family or friends. Only married for a little over a year but I had a rough childhood and no real family that cares for me and loves me so he was my everything. I have no where to go and no one to talk to. I would really love to be able to talk to someone who might feel similarly.

Hi. I read your post and completely understand where you are coming from. My husband of 40 years decided one day he wants to live a single life and out of the marriage. Totally blindsided but need to survive. There are 2 groups that I joined that are helpful - the first is Divorce.com and the other is Circles. They are done virtually and meet once a week. Circles may meet more than once. I have placed myself in a 5 days a week, 8 hour a day group therapy program and I thank G-d that I did that. They are helping me build myself up to be strong enough to move on. I don't know where you live but one of the PHP (Partial Hospitalization Programs) is under the auspices of Shady Grove Adventist Behavioral Program in Rockville and the other (PHP or IOP Program) is run by Medstar Harbor Hospital in Baltimore. I would not be here now if I had not signed on for these 2 programs. They saved my life and I am forever grateful. What you need anow is a good support system and these group therapy sessions are just what you need. I hope you can get enrolled in one of these because it will help to get you through. I am still reeling of his decision to "be single" but I'm not crying as much as I did before. Good Luck.