I hear you struggling & sympothize bc I've been there but maybe you can take comfort in knowing that your life will be far better and happier once you get thru all this.
You're in the beginning stage right now where nothing makes sense, your angry that you put up with so much for so many years but you realize you're better off not being together and that there is a life worth living!
Keep your head up, it will get better and those feelings of being alone will subside.

Thank you. At this point its a victory if I make it thru the day without sobbing. So far I've had 1.on top of the devastation ,I'm trying to figure out how to keep my house. I don't have a support system so I'm happy I found this forum.

Hi , together 22 , and married for 19 , Divorce almost finalised .
You will get there I promise you, I kicked mine out just over 1 yr ago, because of lies, cheating , and the occasional heavy hand , it was the lies and narcissistic behaviour and making out I needed psychiatric help.
I warned him if he cheated again that would be it,
I have coped by journaling my thoughts and feelings , mostly vitriol for the start, I was so angry and hurt , the whys, the how could he, the mourning the loss of what I thought was a life together ,
I would be sad one minute, angry the next, didn’t know my **** from my elbow,
I have had to sell the family home , as I could not afford to keep it on , I made him give me all of the equity , and also pay off a loan that was attached to the house , my reasoning was it was not my fault , I had my own home before I met him , he had nothing , I could have kept my property and would have paid the mortgage off by now, but he wanted me to sell , , he had been married before , he told me they grew apart , , but didn’t want her to lose the home , so she kept the house , I said at the time , you were entitled to half, that’s very nice of you , he said he let her have it all. I naively thought what a nice man to do that, fast forward 9 months or so after I kicked him out , I found his divorce papers , he had of course lied, she sued him for adultery . That’s why he gave her the house .
So he had lied to me from day one of our relationship, and the lies continued over the yrs, I am very angry that I now have to try and get a mortgage at nearly 59, I will be working until mid 70’s because of him.
But you know what , at least I have the chance to find true happiness, to be treated with respect , whether I have a week left on this planet or another 30 yrs.
I wish I had divorced him yrs ago , but I always fell for the sob story , the manipulation, he often threatened to take the boys off me if I said I wanted to kick him out , they are now aged 20 , funny he has not threatened to take them off me this time.
I finally sold the house and am renting at the moment , the boys are with me , hopefully I will manage to buy something.
I have lost weight , my confidence is growing , especially when he visits the boys , I sometimes catch him staring at me , he would not have the nerve to ask me back, as his narcissistic self could not cope with that, or the fact that I would turn him down flat.
He has no idea that I am in contact with his family, I have told them everything, they are appalled, he doesn’t know I contacted his first wife, she was with him for 12 yrs, he did the same to her , lies , and infidelities. If he knew he would flip.
Honestly you will be fine, it will take time, but rest assured you will get there , it’s just unfortunate that we have to go through the crap first ,
I do understand how you feel about wasting the years , that’s how I felt , but we can’t be accused of not trying to make it work, it’s a lesson well learnt and I sure as hell won’t be making that mistake again, I try not t9 get angry and beat myself up about it, because after all I can’t change it.
What we can do is take one day at a time, build up our self confidence and esteem , and what we truly deserve will find its way to us.
What’s the saying , you have not lost anything , the universe is getting ready to send you something that is so much better.
Or every end is a new beginning.
Fight back don’t let him undermine your confidence , don’t let him call the shots ,
I fought back and feel so,much better for it , I didn’t always feel that way , but with time you will realise you have more power than you think .
Oh and the optional extra. Booking the Karma Fairy , I have booked the karma fairy and hope that one day he will indeed get a visit from her
Much love ❤️

That's part of the problem. He knows he has me where he wants me because the only way he will sign the house over to me with no money exchanged is if I waive alimony and his pension.
Rent would be twice as much as my mortgage. Also took a look at a bank statement we are both on but only he uses and saw that the day after he asked me for a divorce he transferred 10k out of that account.its all his money as we keep our money separate but he is obvioisly trying to hide it. I supported him for so many years and now that he is making good money and we are comfortable, he wants out. I will go back to struggling like I did in my 20's.
It just sucks. I know its for the best as he really is a liar and I'm sure he has cheated way more then I know about. Scares the scrap out of me to be alone at 51.

I totally hear where you are coming from , I am 58 , it will be tough to get a mortgage , i so wish I had not sold my flat , don’t know where you are, I am in the uk and rent is astronomical , I would soon get through the equity of the house, it was either have all of the equity and maybe fight for some of his pension, but I know he would probably play dirty and I didn’t want it dragging out any longer, or go for half the house , half his pension, which he had over 100k , and spousal support , I was told I would get between 300 to 500 a month for five yrs, but I thought about it , if he ever lost his job , he could get away with paying me nothing or had a lower paid job , he could lesson the amount, or he could just sod off abroad, which to be honest I would not put it past him In which case I would be royally screwed.
It has taken a yr to get to this point and the divorce is almost though , but it’s a yr off of mortgage terms. So I could not let it drag on for too long, for my sanity I want him out of my life and as far away from me as possible, it might be a case of dare I say it , you get as good as a solicitor / lawyer as you can , but also you might have to and I hate to say it cut your losses a bit, over here the longer it drags out , the richer the solicitor gets, the divorce bill will cut into anything you might get, I have made him pay for the divorce, don’t see why I should , it’s not my fault , he has paid some of it, if he reneges on the rest I will take him to small claims court , and he won’t get a mortgage then .
Just keep everything close to your chest , don’t let him know anything , if you get the house , iand no Alimony could you at least rent a bedroom out for some income for you ?
Xxx

That is my main goal right now, to get the house. I can pay it but there won't be any extra. Rent here is also very expensive and at least twice as much as the current mortgage. The house is really all I care about. I would be willing to waive alimony and pension if he just signs the house over without having to give him money. If I don't get the house then all bets are off. Thank you for the reply. It really does help to hear from women going thru a similar situation.

Sending u hugs

Hi!
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