Hi, I’ve been married 22 years and have been unhappy w my marriage for most of those years. In a nutshell, he’s a workaholic with his own business and would never really try to spend more time with me even though he always said he would all the many times I would let him know how I was feeling over the years. At best, he would change for a week and then go back to the same old thing. I felt like I was always alone at home with the kids. He’s a really good person and a great dad but just a horrible husband, lately he has gotten verbally abusive with me anytime we try to talk things out so I’ve just clammed up. We have absolutely no connection and he has repeatedly refused to go to marriage counseling, saying we can fix things ourselves by talking. We’ll talk for one or two days and then go back to the same crap. I honestly feel that it might even be too late for marriage counseling because my feelings for him are just not there and am just here for the kids. My plan has been to wait five more years until our youngest is 18 and then leave him . We we’re planning to sell our house in the spring since real estate prices are going crazy and rent for a couple years before getting back into the market. But now he says because of how I am being with him he’s not sure about our future and wants to hold on to the house, we’ll refi it and I can take the money. I feel like he is trying to screw me over financially because the refi would be less than half of what I would get if we sold the house and split the proceeds. Plus he’s got something that could be a big pay off coming up with his business and I think he’s trying to screw me on that too since the writing is on the wall for our marriage. Even though he’s a good person, he is very prideful and vengeful and I know he’s going to try to make it look like it’s my fault with the kids. How do I go about finding a good divorce lawyer to start planning? I am at a complete loss, I don’t even have any friends who are divorced so I have no one to turn to for advice on this. Any guidance on this would be so much appreciated! I’m sorry for the long post!
Marriage counseling is not always the best decision as it is usually a last minute effort to save something that it too broken to fix. INDIVIDUAL counseling is a great idea.
DO NOT REFI and do not make any financial decisions without talking to an attorney. You are entitled to 50% of the house's value. Put your address into Zillow and see what it says. An appraisal or a trusted real estate agent is a better source but I have found Zillow to be a pretty good source. Do not get a bulldog attorney. Get one that is calm and reasonable. A bulldog attorney likes to fight...more fighting means higher attorney's fees. Divorce is bg business. Get one that only does divorce. Depending on where you live you can look up family court cases to see how many cases the attorney has handled. Do not get one that advertises. A good attorney does not need to advertise.
I am in the same exact boat with two kids and being married for 21 years! It’s so hurtful but honestly… I’m so ready to be out of this verbally abusive relationship! It’s so toxic that my close friends have time snd time again say..”I don’t understand why your still going through this.” But I feel I’m trapped and he’s planning on leaving after our son has graduated high school. He has put all business assets into his business partners name for a reason… divorce! So I’ll be screwed in the end. I totally and purely get where your coming from. It’s sooooo hurtful and lonely!