Even with a busy schedule, friends and three kids to love I am so lonely. I am 49 and I am supposed to be slowing down hormone wise but my sexual urges are just as strong as ever. There’s an ex boyfriend of mine who is bugging me wanting me to be intimate but of course I can’t. He’s wrong for me in many ways and I’m a religious married sex only kind of woman. I have intrusive thoughts of the wonderful intimacy I had with my ex. I remind myself that while it was physically pleasing it was never really love (he was abusive). I’m doing everything I can to make my life as fulfilling and purposeful as possible. I’m trying not to waste time wishing or regretting. But it’s hard with this intense longing simmering in the background all the time. I would date if I could find anyone to date who is remotely worth considering.
Hi , I hear and know exactly where you are coming from.
First of all congratulations on taking back control of your life , it’s hard , but you have done it
It’s just a minefield of how to take the next steps to get the life that we need and so rightly deserve.
I kicked my cheating spouse out over a yr ago, my divorce was finalised on the 9th of November.
Before I met my now ex husband I had spent a few yrs on my own , I had finished a relationship where my partner was a pathological liar and cheater , so because I was so hurt I spent a few yrs on my own .
I was then ready to try again and met my now ex husband, We we’re together 22 yrs and married for 19, he ended up being ten times worse than my previous partner .
Looking back now , I realise I was taken in by a narcissistic personality, he love bombed me from the beginning and I fell for it, I also think he has other issues , ie Aspergers , sociapathic tendencies etc, he cheated on me several times , always through online websites, dating and no strings attached websites , he was and will always be a pathological liar , he made me think I was gong mad and that I needed psychiatric help, showed no empathy, I found out he did the same to his first wife , I hasten to add , I met him a few women after he split up from his first wife, he told me they grew apart , have since found out she divorced him because for the same reasons I divorced him.
So here’s the thing when my relationship before him finished , I spent yrs on my own not wishing to get hurt again , this time I don’t want to do that, I am lonely and I don’t want to spend more yrs on my own again. I have done nothing wrong , why should I be the one who is on my own through no fault of my own.
The trouble is how do I meet someone.? , everyone I work with and know are telling me to join dating websites , but this is the source where my ex husband always looked, a lot of these women knew my ex was married , but still decided to interfere in our marriage , or decided to believe the bs he was telling them , even though he had a wife and children . it seems they are full of , married men , and women I hasten to add that are not honest.
Plus as I have got older I value my privacy more, I used to go on sites such as Facebook etc, because I suppose everyone did, not to cheat I might add, that was my ex husbands speciality , but to keep in touch with friends , but now I hate these sites , I find them not very good for my mental health, they can be a source of dishonesty , keyboard warriors and bullying . So putting all my life on a dating website for people to look at , scares the living daylights out of me .
But my friends all married and work colleagues who are married are pointing me this way, it doesn’t help that I don’t drive , I need to learn and buy a car, because from a safety aspect I would not want to get in a car with someone I don’t know , or know nothing about .
How on earth do I meet someone, I am determined not to shut myself away ,
Hopefully some lovely ladies will have some suggestions for Tara and I xxx