Hi, First, I think you need to see a lawyer ASAP. Go for full custody with visitation for him. If he’s truly interested in being part of his son’s life, he won’t move too far. You also need to continue with your program re: Addiction. He’s expecting to potentially waltz into bro your and your son’s lives, call the shots, maybe take custody of a child he hardly knows, move him in with a stranger and her chikdren, meaning your son would have to change schools, loose friends etc.

I’d focus on your son’s needs and well-being. Your ex is a grown man. Your son is still a child who needs stability, love and protection. Yes, you have a past that has involved some final interventions, but you sound as if you’re committed to doing what’s best for your son. You have your own home-ask the lawyer how you can protect this asset so your ex doesn’t try to claim part of it if you’re still married at this point. Alimony and a about making sure your son’s needs are met. He’s got off very lightly by not having to support your son financially for many years. I’d speak to the lawyer about that also!

Keep things very formal when he is released from incarceration. Don’t let him just ‘turn up’ at your door.