How did you know divorce was the right choice and making the first steps ?
Where do I start…. I have been married for 5 years and I have been considering divorce on and off for about a year now. Most recently these past few months the feeling has been strong but I just don’t know where to start or how to go about it.
We have always had differing political views and some social views but the last year has really been hard. My husband has become more and more extreme in his beliefs and has developed a deep hatred for those who vote differently from him, he calls them evil and the devil and they are destroying the country. I am having a very hard time mentally to listen to this and be around it. My point of view is not welcome and I no longer feel like I can be myself or express my opinion without feeling scared. He is always trying to convince me I am wrong, that I am brainwashed, that I do not have strong convictions and him and his mom just go on and on at me, they can’t accept me unless I think and feel exactly like them.
I don’t think I can take it anymore but it’s so hard to leave. I moved to the US for my husband and have no family here, my only friends are his religious friends who will tell me to stay and pray and let God heal our marriage, I have no one else to go too.
I’m trying to figure out how to get an Appartement before I tell him I want a divorce ? Has anyone else has experience with this ? The house is his, he bought it before we were married and has not put me on it, but even so I don’t believe in taking what isn’t yours. I don’t want the house just have no idea how to even start proceedings or a conversation. I hope to do a uncontested divorce to avoid expensive lawyers fees and because we do not have any shared assets to split.
Re: How did you know divorce was the right choice and making the first steps ?
Hi hun. The house might be considered a joint asset that you can claim part of? This would help to provide you with some money to set up your new home?
Are you on a visa? What are the terms? Do you need to return to your country of origin if you divorce him, or can you stay?
They sound like right-wing loonies! I feel bad for you that religion is involved too. A ‘closed circle’ of small-minded people all egging each other on to promulgate their extreme views-not healthy.
It sounds as if you absolutely need to get away from these people. Is their a cultural support group you could seek refuge with? Any free or low-cost legal services in your local area? Can you just leave if you can’t afford to divorce him? Do you have a car? Can you pack your belongings and drive to a different state and look for a job there?
I doubt very much that he’ll give you an uncontested divorce. He’s more likely to be ‘egged on’ by his mother to make you ‘suffer’ for leaving him. If I were in your shoes, I’d wait until he’d gone out, then cram my car with sleeping equipment, cooking equipment, all my official ID documents, any prescribed medications I needed, clothing, coats, water and some food (and gas in the tank) and I’d drive off, never to look back. I’d open a PO Box in a new town, get a job, then file for divorce and try to claim some of the value of ‘his’ house and his 401k/savings.
Start saving to leave (unless you have sufficient money already). Discreetly sell anything you’re not going to need: Excess clothing, any unwanted jewellery, purses, shoes…whatever; to raise money to make you great escape 🌸
Re: How did you know divorce was the right choice and making the first steps ?
Hi Brenda,
Thank you for your response. I have been carefully saving and waiting for a time when I have enough to rent my own apartment. Honestly, it’s gotten to the point where I really don’t want anything of his, the house is his, nothing is mine. I am going to try and fight for the car though. The title is in his name, but I’ve made the payments and funded repairs. Mentally I just feel like I can’t take his attitude anymore. I have a counselling session next week. I’m hoping that will help me get my thoughts in order and give me confidence to say I want to leave. I’m worried he won’t give me a uncontested divorce as well. I’m hoping that by telling him it will be cheaper that way and because we don’t have assest to split, he will agree. If not, I honestly feel like I will just have to meet someone else as an excuse to get away.