I think you are a saint for sticking it out for so long. I have been married 5 years and want to leave for many of the same reasons. I’m sick of my husbands controlling behaviour and his inability to accept other people for who they are. We do not have children together because I am terrified if I have a child with him I will have a mental breakdown.
Did you end up staying or going ? I hope you are feeling safe and well and taking care of yourself.