I totally get this as I have also been married for 21 years with two kids! I have also been suspicious and pretty much believe mine husband has cheated as well. I could write a book on all the things he’s been up to but insists on “I’m crazy” and nothing has ever happened. Says “prove it!” Prove it! Non stop. I’ve seen snap chat codes on text coming through on his phone around Christmas and valentines, sending his location to someone, various sign in emails on history on his phone, nice clothes to work (he works construction) etc. it’s SO hard! I went to nursing school just because I knew this would come to an end some day and I would want a better life for me and the kids. He has his own business and he’s doing well. He now treats me like dirt. Even though I know deep down I’m a great mother, good person, and have a lot to offer. It’s hard to think of having to move out if your house, having to support (for me) myself and kids, etc. I’ve been with him for so long it’s hard to think about another life but I know just like you this isn’t right.
Hi Laura-Google the terms narcissistic coercive control and gas-lighting. It sounds as if he’s undermined your self-confidence over years of ‘drip-feeding’ negative comments to you.
Look up ‘co-dependency’ and ‘empath.’ I’d never heard if these terms before my husband’s behaviour became so emotionally neglectful and verbally abusive that I started looking online for answers/insight. Perhaps this is what is going on? 🌸
Thank you Brenda… I will do this now. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me but being able to make the big changes. I know it’s not love. I’m just scared… big hugs for the sweet advice! ❤️
Hi Sherry-perhaps go see a marriage guidance counsellor together? Get him to fess up who he contacts and why at 1.30am. Is it another woman? Is it a helpline? He needs to be open and honest with you if he’s genuinely interested in your marriage succeeding-like he says he wants then he should be willing to share this information.
If not-ditch him! Once a cheater, always a cheater…
Oh, Sweetie! There is definitely nothing wrong with your suspicions. I think you already have arrived at a point of at least wondering what life may look like apart from your current circumstance. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to be honest about your feelings. You don't even have to act on them, just take a deep breath and take an honest look ... as if you are stepping aside for a moment as an onlooker, an outsider from your present circumstance. I was married for 25 years when I was finally brave enough to do this. You have options. Stay. Separate for a while.. Only you can decide what you want for your happiness.