My soon to be ex got busted in a sting trying to sleep with a 14 year old girl. I filed for a divorce. I didn’t see this coming at all. My kids are so confused. I have so many questions. Why wasn’t I good enough? How could he do this to the kids? He got released from jail. And now he has been super toxic. I am scared of going to court. My nerves are really shot thinking I have to send my kids with him. He was always emotionally and mentally abusive towards myself and the kids. I am much better off without him. Him and his family are trying to destroy me! They are starting rumors and stalking me. They told me they have their popcorn out waiting for me to fail. How can someone be so cruel. I am still the mother of his children and their grandchildren. He has made me financially unstable with all the lawyer fees and the things he has done. And with Christmas coming I feel horrible for my kids because I can’t afford to buy them anything because the bills come first.
I can’t work, he has traumatized me. I hate being at home because he has showed up multiple times in the middle of the night banging on the doors and yelling. I don’t even feel safe in my own house now.
I wanted to get along for the kids sake but he has proven that isn’t possible.
Hi,
1. Seek legal advice
2. Apply for a court order and apply for full custody, with only supervised visits with your children (ie a third party will be present to observe and make sure your kids are safe when with him).
3. Apply for a domestic violence order (or the equivalent where you live). If he breaches it, call the cops so he’s arrested.
4. Call the cops every single time he shows up and your house/place of work etc. now: This helps build an official record of how he’s trying to harass, intimidate and stalk you.
5. I’d consider moving out of the area totally with your kids. He can’t harass you if he doesn’t know where you are.
6. Let all calls from him go to voicemail. Keep them as evidence of any abusive language/threats he makes. Sane with text messages-take screenshots of them.
It’s not about you not being ‘good enough,’ it’s about him and a perverted choice he made to sexually assaulted/rape a minor. That’s entirely on HIM, not you. Not anything you’ve done or not done. You haven’t ‘failed’ as an intimate partner. He’s a grown adult who has made a conscious choice to act inappropriately. That’s on HIM, not you. That’s HIS personality, not yours.
Try to get some trauma-based counselling for you and your children. Try to get well enough to get a job , then MOVE and cut him off. Don’t correspond directly with him - keep everything in writing. Warn the school not to let your Chikdrrn go home with him once there’s a domestic violence order in place. Show them a photo of him and have them keep it on record, so they know your Chikdren are not to leave with him.
Don’t let this pig of a man ruin your future life. Don’t communicate with his family. And please don’t be a sitting duck copping abuse from him and his family. As hard as it seems-you need to find some inner strength and start to be proactive in getting away from him and then. Physically (by relocating), financially (by getting a job), emotionally (by seeing a counsellor/therapist), legally (parenting order/divorce/domestic violence order).