My 30 yrs old daughter keep asking why am I staying with this man (my husband and her father) for 34 yrs that is disrespectful to me why I have not divorced him ?
She does not comprehend
She thinks I deserve to be treated with respect and with
Empathy to me and others
I told her I do not know even though sometimes he can be
controlling and will get upset easily .
When my husband and I argue Instead of him accepting the argument we are having Even though he knows He is wrong
He rather win the argument
Sometimes I do wonder Why too?
I do Love him but I feel Sorry for him because he is getting old and most of the people I know does not get along with him and no one will be there to take care of him
Is Love enough to continue this marriage life?
I am 59 and he is 64 (he is in a so so health condition) I do know his health will deteriorate as the years go by (hopefully not but he does have COPD (never smoked) Cardiomyopathy (Which he has a pace maker and defibrillator) Panic Attacks (which he takes medicine for over 30 yrs to calm him down) and no one will be there to take care of him if gets worst
For now he can manage his health himself
I am his wife right ??
I do realize at times he will yell at me but I tried not to fight or argue with him to avoid fights , yells , and tempers and I feel at this age it is too late to divorce (we are both financially stable)
During my Life with him in my mind at times I wanted To divorce him and not be married I am not afraid to be alone but I stayed because I feel sorry for him of what the future hold for him when he become seriously ill all ALONE
Wow…I read very, very little in your post about YOUR needs, your feelings, your hopes and dreams, your happiness…
It sounds akin to almost a form of slavery you’re living in. How sad. How miserable for you.
We get ONE life on this planet. One. Your life is YOURS. It’s not his to render miserable! If he wants to be miserable-he can be miserable, jaggy, but-picking and nasty to himself! It’s no wonder he doesn’t have anyone but you!
Your daughter is absolutely right: You DO deserve to be treated with respect. From everyone, but especially your husband. You’re meant to be in an equal partnership. It sounds as if you are ‘walking on eggshells’ I.e you try not to upset him. You keep quiet. You avoid confrontation. But the trouble is, I highly expect that in trying to keep the peace and appease him, you’re giving up some of what you would naturally want to do. You can’t speak your mind freely and openly, for fear of repercussions. What an awful way to have to live :(
Look up the following terms:
Narcissism
Coercive control
Gas-lighting
Domestic and family violence (abuse)
There’s a well-known model in literature that helps unpack events of ‘power and control’ in domestic and family violence situations. It’s called ‘The Duluth model/wheel.’ Take a look and see how many categories fit your current situation. It can be a real eye-opener. https://equi-law.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Duluth-wheel.jpg
You are 59. Half a decade younger than he is. If he’s miserable, ******* controlling and nasty to you NOW, imagine how much more moany and miserable/nagging and ****** he’ll become towards you and the world at large, when his health declines further.
Every day you stay in this unhappy relationship, is a day less you have in the remaining years of your life, to potentially find a new, kind, caring, fun and respectful partner. Life is not meant to be a punishment! Don’t let him eat your life away! 🌸