Wow…I read very, very little in your post about YOUR needs, your feelings, your hopes and dreams, your happiness…
It sounds akin to almost a form of slavery you’re living in. How sad. How miserable for you.
We get ONE life on this planet. One. Your life is YOURS. It’s not his to render miserable! If he wants to be miserable-he can be miserable, jaggy, but-picking and nasty to himself! It’s no wonder he doesn’t have anyone but you!
Your daughter is absolutely right: You DO deserve to be treated with respect. From everyone, but especially your husband. You’re meant to be in an equal partnership. It sounds as if you are ‘walking on eggshells’ I.e you try not to upset him. You keep quiet. You avoid confrontation. But the trouble is, I highly expect that in trying to keep the peace and appease him, you’re giving up some of what you would naturally want to do. You can’t speak your mind freely and openly, for fear of repercussions. What an awful way to have to live :(
Look up the following terms:
Narcissism
Coercive control
Gas-lighting
Domestic and family violence (abuse)
There’s a well-known model in literature that helps unpack events of ‘power and control’ in domestic and family violence situations. It’s called ‘The Duluth model/wheel.’ Take a look and see how many categories fit your current situation. It can be a real eye-opener. https://equi-law.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Duluth-wheel.jpg
You are 59. Half a decade younger than he is. If he’s miserable, ******* controlling and nasty to you NOW, imagine how much more moany and miserable/nagging and ****** he’ll become towards you and the world at large, when his health declines further.
Every day you stay in this unhappy relationship, is a day less you have in the remaining years of your life, to potentially find a new, kind, caring, fun and respectful partner. Life is not meant to be a punishment! Don’t let him eat your life away! 🌸