Hello
My husband of 35 yrs walked away after an argument we had (the argument was non sense ) without my knowledge and suddenly I received the divorce papers
Throughout our marriage that is not the first time He walked away without telling me during an argument because when we argue he looses his temper there is no way we can come to an agreement because he thinks that I always have to be on his side no matter who is right or wrong just because I am his wife
I did once or twice through out our marriage walked away too without him knowing and he would call me asking where am I but I would not answer his call and than I would come home like nothing happen if we discuss the argument again we would have a fight over and over again.
He thinks by not being on his side he is not getting the support he needs
I am very sad by it ...but in the same time I am relieved that I do not have to put up with him when we argue.
We never can be on the same page equally
I even don’t understand why I stayed in this marriage for so long
I do know we all have our ups and downs but he always think that I have to be on his side in everything he says and do just because I am his wife
He thinks that I never ever supported in anything so Why he stayed on this marriage too ?
I do want him back but I do know for sure this type of arguments will happen again because he will not change
(Once I told him that both of us needs to go to a marriage counseling but he thinks is waste of money)
If you are thinking of staying with him, then I would suggest that you go to a counselor on your own. Your fights sound alot like what I had with my ex-husband. When I worked with our counselor on my own, we talked about how I could change my responses to him and change my choices to change the dynamic of the situation. It help me alot! I learned how to not engage him, how to walk away when needed, how to not validate his irrational "fighting".
Hi Kelly
Thank you for suggestions
I am happy for you that counseling helped you
But if I keep walking away from an argument that we are having how this marriage will survive though ...
He is the one that starts the arguments and I am tired of hearing the same argument of the same things over and over again
I do not know what to do ?
The point of walking away is to not engage with him and reinforce his irrational behavior. With my ex- the fights weren't about anything; the fight was the fight if that makes sense. Nothing constructive came out of the fight, he wasn't really trying to resolve a conflict. He was just yelling and venting at me. Walking away communicates that you aren't going to engage in that type of interaction.
If he really want to talk and discuss a problem, that's fine, but you don't have to stand there and be his verbal punching bag.