Hi
Did you ended up leaving him ?
Can an narcissistic person ever change after an certain age though?
Do they ever realize Or feel what they are doing is wrong ?
Do they know they need some type of help?
I always thought when someone gets older they become wiser, calm , understandable, kinder , emphatic etc...
Once a narcissist, always a narcissist. Personality type is FIXED.
A lot of narcissists are aware/have insight into the pain and hurt they are causing their ‘target.’ They just choose not to care. In fact, most enjoy causing confusion, self-doubt, gradually socially-isolating their victims etc. it gives them a sense of power. It’s transactional ie as long as you’re giving them something they want, they’ll keep you around. So that might be getting a buzz from confusing you, demeaning you etc. Once they’ve made up their mind that there’s nothing else to squeeze out if you (because you’ve become a shell of your former self over time, due to gaslighting etc), they begin the discard phase. Nothing you do or say at this point will make them ‘love you’ or change their minds. They can lack empathy. In fact, if you cry, for some narcs-they see that as a win :(
They won’t seek help because they know what a psychologist might tell them. They don’t want to be exposed. They think they’re perfect as they are. They might tell you to go see a counsellor or psychologist to discuss your worries (after all, they see you as ‘weak’ and seeing a counsellor just adds to their image of seeing you as needy and vulnerable, while their self-perception is strong and so feel they totally don’t need to talk to a counsellor at all/that it’s a waste of time!)
There’s no pleasing a spouse who refuses to be pleased! You’ll end up bending double, jumping through emotional and psychological hoops to try to please them. You’ll lose part of ‘you’ and what your likes and hopes are, as you ‘bend’ to meet their expectations more and more and more.
Better to live alone and peacefully than to try to ‘stick it out’ with a narc spouse. At least you then get some breathing space to rediscover what you want your life to be like, rather than just going along with what he says in order to keep the peace as you ‘walk on eggshells’ every day so as not to ‘rock the boat’…