Sorry to hear all that you are going through, life sometimes is crap, it seems that everything bad keeps being thrown your way, and you wonder what have you done to deserve it , and when will it stop.
You don’t say much about your situation , so I don’t know exactly what you are gong through, but the fact that you find yourself on this forum means you are going through a life changing scenario , on here hopefully you can find the right steps emotionally and physically to take to assist you in this .
Ironically when I first met my husband , I warned him that I was an unlucky and that nothing ever went right for me , I won’t bore you with the list of what went wrong for me over the years before him, we both laughed, but how ironic is it that the person who I spent the next 22 yrs with , would also carry on the run of bad luck , I won’t lie l it wasn’t all bad, there are some fond memories however it wasn’t how it should have been, over the years he has had affairs , lied constantly , been physically, emotionally and mentally abusive , manipulative,
Whenever anything went wrong in my life I would say why me , and then I got defiant and would look up at the sky (God knows why) and say you know what ? , bring it on, give it your best shot, what else can you throw at me. I now say why not me , maybe these things are being thrown at me , because I can take it, that doesn’t make it right , and it really is **** , but you know what, I am stronger than I thought I was , I am taking charge.
I am sorry about the covid and your cat, especially as is suspect your cat gives you a lot of comfort, you will get through it, my son was diagnosed with cancer when he was 10 and had a lower leg amputation, it was a horrendous time , but I had to be strong , I had no other choice , I could not buckle.
I know everything is so hard for you right now , vent on this site , cry on here, also laugh on here.
i would talk to a relative or work colleagues , but after a while I was conscious that I was beginning to depress people and myself talking about it , I was so angry and so hurt and so incredibly sad, I could not afford counselling , one day I found myself writing my thoughts down , and from there it grew , I was never one to write a diary , but I found myself journaling every single thought and emotion , getting it out of my system and on to paper, purging the emotions so to speak, as soon as I got in from work I would write in my book , when I was furloughed because of covid I would still write in my book, I did this every day and actually looked forward to it, I knew when I was starting to get better , because all of a sudden I would miss a day and not write in my journal , 1 day would turn into a week, I have 3 written journals , 240 pages in each, in the midst of this I had to sell the family home , try and increase my hours , move into rented accommodation, try and get a mortgage at 58 so I can maybe buy something . I still have the journals , but at some point I will have a ceremony and burn them , I suppose I will know when that point will be , maybe just before I move again , Leave my old life behind.
I still have the occasional day where I am sad or angry, at being in this position but they are very far and few between.
I am looking forward to getting a home for myself and my sons , I am even looking forward to a relationship again , why should I miss out because of my ex husbands behaviour, I sold my wedding rings , didn’t get much for them , I still cried when I did it , another part of my old life disappeared, I bought myself a new ring, my symbol of i am stronger than I thought , and the I will never let another human being treat me that way again, I wear it proudly .
The journey that we are on is a hard one , it isn’t easy and you can’t fast forward to your destination, there are side roads where you go down and get a glimpse of happiness along the way , these roads keep me going .
I am still on my journey , a bit further than yourself , it isn’t a journey that wanted to take , but it was a necessity that I put myself and my sons first , it has taken on a whole life of its own , i am looking forward.
I promise you heather , you will get there , you will reach your destination of happiness, keep going , life does not stop it just changes , you can make the change and the difference.
Much love ❤️
Di