Been a rough almost 2 years! Got married he was diagnosed with cancer. Last January he got covid. I took care of him at home, thought I was watching him die. Now he is better but our lives are going in different directions. I want to grow food live a simpler healthier lifestyle and prepare for retirement. He wants to spend lots of money and go more in debt. My opinion does not matter. I'm ready to find myself a small piece of property with a small house and file for divorce. All I would want is my personal stuff, the dogs, and peace and quiet, and to be left alone. Can somebody please advise me how to move forward before I lose my sanity? I am so miserable!
Well, first I’d have a serious, heart-felt conversation with him to let him know just how unhappy you are. Ask him if he’d be willing to compromise re: money and lifestyle. Maybe, just maybe, he’s grasping life and luxuries (re debt/materialism) after surviving cancer AND Covid to treat himself well… However, if you’re growing apart and your values, dreams and goals are not compatible-then it may be time to move on.
If this is the case, start doing some serious research along the lines of where will you live? How much is land to build on, versus purchasing an exisiting home? How much money will you need for solar, a well or bore to be off-grid, animals, seeds, fuel, equipment, fire-fighting equipment, fencing, a vehicle etc? Will you live alone and manage the property yourself? Is that feasible? Just how much of a ‘back-to-basics’ lifestyle are you aiming for?
Life is too short to be unhappy-so if your gut feeling is to ‘go for it,’ then DO IT! 😁 But…..first things first: Work out what assets and debts you have jointly, what future pensions (401k), etc and then go see a divorce lawyer with evidence of this and establish a plan of action with them. Look online at potential properties-maybe even go take an actual look at a couple. Really be practical when you’re looking. Rip the rose-tinted glasses off that some realtors will try to encourage you to look through, and make a mental note of what will need fixing/installing, so you can add costs up later.
Your partner sounds as if he’s been through a lot, so I’d probably be gentle in breaking the news that you’re seriously unhappy with your relationship. His response will be very ‘telling.’ Either he will be keen to work on your relationship when you tell him how unhappy you are, or he’ll go ballistic and become nasty…or maybe, he might be relieved if he too, is unhappy.
If you don’t start moving forwards, it’s easy to get stuck in the mud! One step at a time though…Start doing research (if you haven’t already), in preparation for when you have ‘the big talk..’