I haven’t worn my wedding ring since I took it off to work on a piece of machinery.

That was after I found out my husband thought it was a “waste of his time” to apply for jobs after moving me and our X kids X hours away. We had decided together to make the move. I was a stay at home parent. He signed a lease and physically moved us.

After X months, he bought a house X hours away from the kids and me.

I wanted things to work. I didn’t want to file court paperwork and make him angry. Where he had moved us from was small and he knew the lawyers, the judges, the clerks, the deputies, and the troopers. I made what money he gave us work.

X months after that, the kids and I moved in with him. I gave in and made decisions with him that I expressed doubts and reluctance about.

I was thinking that COVID was the blessing that would end up saving our marriage.

I tried finding my place, only to have him take over control of my interests and hobbies.

Then I stated I wanted to move out and back to where the kids and I were living but knew finding and affording anything there would be nearly impossible. I was looking at RVs. Then he asked what are you comfortable spending on a house down there? Let’s look and see what we find. XX months after moving in with him we moved out.

Recently, I looked up a place to sell my wedding & engagement ring online. I’m getting an estimate for what I’ll get for it.

I’d half-heartily kidded with friends about selling it to use for rent and food after he bought his house.

If I end up selling the rings, I’ll use the money towards a lawyer to make sure our divorce is fair and the kids are safe.

According to marriage counseling, I need to be more direct about what I want and need.

XX years ago the employee assistance program counselor I saw after our first child was born while I was still working told me “Divorce him now Honey.”

I am ready now. It hurts to feel like our marriage has failed and to know it hurts our children. I just have to remind myself how much less it hurts to live without him than with him; how much happier and healthier the kids are when we aren’t living with him.