He is both. No he is definitely a narcissist. We have been to counseling 10 years ago and the therapist told him to look into it before he quit going. I will check out those videos.

Very sorry to hear what has happened to you- Amateur author Dorian Wright shares their "blindsided" experiences as well in their book "20 Years Gone: A Divorce Story" (available on Amazon and Google Books).

It is really sad to know that someone with whom you've spent a big part of your life can sometimes have an "alternate life" as well! Wright, with help, managed to identify the signs, and take action before too much damage ensued.

Definitely consult a lawyer if you have not already- just because your husband locked certain funds out, it does not necessarily mean that you will remain ineligible for them!!