I grew up in a country where parents are highly regarded. My parents lived with us for 18 years. My husband and i have been together for 20years. We have a 17 year old daughter and 6 year old son. Those 18 years that my parents lived with us are full of tension. My husband does not like then. He complains about everything. My parents took care of our kids. During the last 2 years my dad became disabled. And unable to walk from room to kitchen. My husband does not understand this. He doesnt want him to eat in the room. He confronts my dad and told him that he will drive them away and that he demands respect because they are living with him. Im torn. Searching the internet it says that i should choose my husband but my heart wants to choose my parents. They need me as much as i need them. They are both now disabled and i dont want to leave them behind. Before this incident i was already considering divorce but this happened and now i am more determined to go through with this. But i just want you guys opinion. My parents never suggested divorce. They felt disrespected and unappreciated. They feel that they are a burdeb to us and wants to move away. But i dont want that. I feel like i would be happier living with my kids and parents thab livibg with my husband.
Hi, So…are you saying that your husband is being mean and verbally aggressive to your father who, by no fault of his own, has become disabled and no longer can walk from the sitting room to the kitchen to eat his meals? And that your father is not being obstinate or difficult, but rather he just can’t physically do it? If so…your husband is an **** who should be taught a lesson about elder abuse: Irrespective of culture…he’s being mean to an elderly man!?!
You shouldn’t be forced into a situation of feeling like you have to choose between your parents and your husband :(
How about a compromise? Buy your father a walking aid to ease his walking from his bedroom or put a small dining table in his bedroom so he can eat there? Why exactly does your husband object so much to your father eating in his room? If your husband doesn’t like him, surely not having him in your dining room is ‘better’ for your husband?
I’m not sure the issue is worth divorcing over, but certainly a very frank discussion needs to take place between the both of you.
Thanks for the reply. I really have no friends that i can discuss this with. Anyway. My dad has dystonia-parkinson and diabetes. And walking to the bathroom which is only a few feet away from the room is a struggle. He has an electric wheelchair he sometimes used. He goes to the dining room sometimes. But there are times when he have a hard time so he eats in the room. I work night shift and at night his blood sugar goes down. So the food thats in his room are snacks for night time. Im torn. Because my husband says he is doing everything for my parents. He is being aggressive verbally to my parents. I cant leave them. Im the only family they have here in america. They dont work. They dont have a house. My parents helps me with my kids and other stuff too. I googled it about choosing husband over parents. How can i choose my husband over my parents? My kids see how their dad treats my parents and they are sad because of that.