Hi my name is Sarah. I’m 19 years old and I’ve been married for over a year. My husband is 26. We married when I was 18. Our marriage is not working out. I am constantly broken-hearted. I am very sensitive and I do require a lot of love I guess you could call me needy. My husband doesn’t give me the love that I need. He’s more committed to his job than I am. In the past he has been more committed to his family than me but after a lot of hard work he did change. I am constantly hurt and upset because he cares so much about his his business and money and success that he would Rather be doing that than being with me. I am second and put to the side. So obviously he doesn’t love me more than money and success. He has said before that his goal is to get rich and move up in life he wants to “be on top of the world”. That is his dream. That’s where he find his fulfillment. However I want a simple life and I want him to just be happy with me and our future children but thats just not what he wants. It breaks my heart. Everyday I’ve come to a further realization that he really does love the business more than me. He has told me flat out multiple times that he would never choose me over the business. That that’s his dream and nothing could stop him. I am truly broken hearted. I am said, depressed, angry, ashamed. I feel degraded and like nothing. When we married I thought that he loved me so much and that we would be so happy together and he would do anything for me care about me so much but now I see that that’s just not the truth. That was just in the beginning. After a very short while he shifted to the business and other things and he life’s and that’s what he focuses on now. This hurts so bad. I’m so sad that this man who I thought loved me so much doesn’t love me as much as I thought he did. And he clearly shows that. I’m really struggling…. I’ve brought up now the past couple weeks that I’m so hurt to the point where I just want to leave and he throw in my face every point he gets that he would never choose me over the business etc. that I’m not worth it. That he work rather be at work than come home to me. I cry and pour my heart out to him how much he hurts me but he just gets angry. He doesn’t like when I cry he says it gives him anxiety and he hits me. He has hit me a lot made my nose bleed busted my lip a black eye and lots of bruises. He gets very angry and me and usually does it when I am crying in bed or on the couch. I don’t know what to do. I’m so heart broken here I want to just get over him because I realize that he will never change and his heart will never be for me like I need it to be. However I have no one and nowhere to go. I had a rough childhood so I don’t have any family who I talk to or I am close with. I talk to my mom occasionally but she has her own life with her husband and their young daughter. I have nowhere to go. I haven’t spoken to my friends much since I’ve been married and they are all living their lives in college. I’m completely alone in thsi world without him but he breaks my heart everyday…

Sorry for all the typos… I was writing it fast because I kind of poured my heart out.

We also haven’t had much of a sex life at all for months because I’m so hurt by him I can’t let him in and the thought of having sex makes me uncomfortable and sad. When we used to have sex I would be left very sad afterwards. It was not intimate or emotional at all it was just him getting off. Sometimes he talks me into giving him BJ’s but that’s about it. I don’t even like doing that because I feel so used and it just makes me sad that our relationship has turned out this way. I also don’t want to give him what he wants when all I get from him is a place to live and a broken heart. I don’t even spend any money or go out and do anything. I have no car or anything.

Hi Sarah,

So sorry that you are going through this.
This does not sound like a healthy relationship, especially if he is flat out telling you that his business is more important than you are.

I think talking to a professional would be helpful for you. Talking to a professional and working through your feelings, discussing your choices would be helpful.

Do you have insurance? Can you pay for a therapist? You can access virtual therapy online. Is there a pastor that you can talk to or resources through your church if you have one.

I know you said your mother is "busy", but she is still your mother. Do you have a good relationship with her? Can you go stay with her for a while? Reach out to her for some support, she's your mother is it not unreasonable to expect her to support you.

Good luck!
Kelly

No it’s not healthy at all... i’ve expressed how i’ve felt very clearly and cried to him over the past month but he laughs it off saying i’m dramatic, crazy, etc. I’ve gotten to the point where i just stay in my room and avoid talking to him at all costs. My mother and I have never had a good relationship she always had something against me since i was very young. She would let me stay with her for a little bit but not for long. i think i’m going to work on getting an online job and saving up some money. Then moving on with my life... I’m deeply devastated that my husband who I thought deeply loved and cared for me has turned out this. I’m so heartbroken. I’ve kept up hope for a while that he would get better but he’s just gotten worse and worse. We’re live in separate worlds pretty much. He refuses to see my feelings and what he does as reality. We don’t have insurance but i’m scared of going to therapy anyways because he’s very manipulative and the charming type of person, so i’m afraid he would just manipulate the therapist into making me look bad and like i’m crazy or dramatic like he tries to tell me. I don’t think there’s any help for this. The only way this could work is if he changes a lot and shows me that he’s not the person that he’s been. But I don’t think that’s going to happen. Thank you for your response it means a lot. I need someone to understand what i’m going through and what i’m dealing with. I don’t really have anybody.