Exactly 3 weeks ago I was not feeling well at work. So they gave the ok to go home. A coworker gave me a ride home because my car was being worked on. When I got home it was 1pm. I saw my husband's car in the driveway and also a blue Honda. We have 2 children and our family and friends live in another state. I decided to go in quietly because my intuition told me something was up. In the living room all pictures of me and our wedding photos were gone. I walked up the stairs and I could hear them right away. She was moan loudly and my husband was grunting. They didn't even close the door I hid behind the doorway and saw her bent over and my husband behind he was saying I love you, i love you, as she moaned. My 54th birthday was the next day and this girl looked young about late 20s or early 30s and my husband at 57 was there with her in our bedroom. The worst part is she is a N, I'm not racist or anything but watching my husband holding her kinky hair. Seeing her skin on my sheet. I started crying, they heard me and stopped. He was the first to come out. "What the hell are you doing here!" he shouted. She came out and say me and asked who I was. "HIS WIFE!" I shouted."Wife? But he is my fiance." She responded. He then told her I was crazy and I can't accept the fact he has moved on. They got dress and left and I haven't seen my husband since. I found her number on our bill and found her Facebook. Turns out she was born 1992 that makes her 30 this year. My husband and I got married 1990, Our oldest was born 1989 and youngest 1991, and his little N is younger than both our kids. He refuses to talk to me. What can I do?

Get angry! Get busy organising your life without him. Once a cheater…always a cheater, sadly.

He’s probably going through a midlife crisis, hence the desire to shag someone much younger than himself. Don’t accept being second best. Please. Because that’s what he’ll think if you roll over easily and take him back if he comes crawling.

Protect your finances. NOW. Immediately. ‘Pretty young things’ have a habit of bleeding their midlife sugar daddies dry-leaving his dear, trusting, gutted and lonely wife, financially as well as emotionally bereft. Protect yourself from that situation. See a lawyer straight away and open your own bank account if you don’t have one already…

I would also consider seeing a counsellor. You’ve had one hell of a shock and he showed no remorse. In fact, he had the nerve to get angry at you when you caught them in the act! Part of that might have been his shock reaction in seeing you, but overall, he’s still gone off with you and has cut off communication with you. That’s very disrespectful as he knows you’ll be suffering.

Don’t shy away from confiding in close (non-gossipy) friends about what’s happened. You need support, cuddles, kind words and to hang out with people who genuinely ‘have your back,’

Take one day at a time hun and if you can, take a little comfort in the fact you are far from being alone in this kind of situation. Listen to calming music, go for walks, indulge in a moderate amount of chocolate and wine but put the brakes on over-doing it as you need to keep yourself healthy. See your doctor re: anti-depressants.

Avoid going to places that are ‘triggers’ such as favourite locations, songs etc. The fact he put your photos away means he may have been hiding your existence to her, but the fact she now knows about you, and yet still is seeing him, shows what a **** personality she has! Be the best version of you that you can be hun. The best ‘Revenge’ is living your best life, so when he next sees you, you look amazing. Don’t crawl to him. Resist texting him/stalking his social media account. You are better than that, so rise above it. Hold your head up, act with decorum and if he’s stupid enough to only think with his dick, there’s a chance she might fall pregnant! Then, you can laugh your **** off when he’s changing ****ty nappies and having sleepless nights, while you drive by him on your way to meet friends/go on vacation/go to the spa…whatever…

It feels raw and it hurts. You have every right to feel hurt and ******* I’m hurting for you too. It’s never nice to hear that yet another wife has had ‘the dirty’ done to her. Never blame yourself. It’s so easy to think along the lines of ‘if only…’ but that’s self-defeating and only serves to bring you down more. He’s a grown adult whose made a conscious choice. Rightly or wrongly, unfortunately, there’s no other way of working through it emotionally, than to let yourself grieve, but to gather lots of support around you until that happens. Maybe consider taking some e off work: Better to maintain your professional image to keep earning independent money, and ‘fall apart’ at home?

Big, big hug.

Kaz thank you so much. I needed this. He still hasn't called me nor talked to me. He seems to be serious about the divorce. I called the little girl and told her what I thought of her. She apologized and said she is sorry this is happening to me. But they are getting married soon and hope I will heal from all of this.

I have started eating again but I have still cry a lot. But I think he will come to his senses soon. This is just a fling all marriages go through things like this.

Ditto to everything Kaz said. Get angry, get an attorney and protect yourself and your assets.

Good luck!
Kelly

Thank you Kelly, it has been really hard. But he will come to his senses to his obviously a fling. He is just living out some fantasy. He will be back.

I find your use of "N" incredibly offensive. Just using the letter doesn't excuse the sentiment. Her skin color has nothing to do with anything and your husband is not without blame. He's the married one who had no business hooking up with someone else. You are absolutely racist and it has no place on this or any other forum.

I am not a racist, I am friends with people from a walks of life. People like you are what is wrong with this country. You have no morals. This girl is trying to ruin my marriage taking advantage of some sick fantasy my husband might have, to be with a girl like her. This is her fault, you picking up for her suggest you have no morals as well. My husband will be back soon enough. You are the one making this about race.

Use of the "N" word is racist and wrong. Use of the word "kinky" to describe the hair of a woman of color is offensive.

You clearly stated in your first post that she didn't know your husband was married, so it cannot be her fault that he is being unfaithful.

I am sorry that you are blaming everyone except him for his infidelity and I can't imagine why you would want him back.

Best of luck to you,
Kelly

I agree with Kelly , you are racist
Turning on Janet the way you have is deplorable
You say that your husband will be back as it is just a fling, do you think so low of yourself that you think this is acceptable ?