I am sorry that you are going through this. From your description he sounds alot like my ex-husband. He would blow up over anything/nothing and it was always "my fault" because I said something "that set him off" and if only I hadn't done XYZ then he wouldn't have acted that way.
I also pulled away and just created my own life.
I know it is hard and scary. I would recommend consulting with an attorney right away. You need to protect yourself and your rights. If you are a stay-at-home mother (or even if you aren't), you should be entitled to alimony and definitely child support. The house issue will work itself out; but you need legal support, don't let him bully you.
If you can go to counseling on your own, I would recommend it - it helped me greatly. Of course every situation is different, but my therapeutic advice (over many sessions we worked on it) was basically to "grow a pair" and stop being such a doormat.
Now, I would recommend trying to make this as amicable as you can. That doesn't mean catering to him, but be as positive as you can.
My ex- and I get along pretty well now, we spend holidays together with our boys, family dinners together; it's been better for our boys this way and I am just so happy to not live with him anymore! We basically have all the good family stuff, without all the drama, yelling and fighting
but that did take deliberate choices on both of our parts, so he'll have to put in the work also.