My ex-husband also had rages. My therapist recommended that when that happens I was to leave the situation. I would go get my car keys, get in the car and leave. Now he did chase me out of the house screaming at me a few times; but I just ignored him and left.
He's venting all his rage on you because it makes HIM feel better and basically you are letting him. I promise I was exactly the same way! I jumped through dozens of hoops everyday; what do I say to him, what do I not say to him, etc. but it didn't make any difference, he went into rages anyways - and the rages weren't really about me, just about HIM and his anger issues.
Therapy helped me alot. Would he go with you? If not, go by yourself. Working with a therapist on what changes I could make to my reactions, behavior, choices and how those could change the dynamic. I was able to stop caring when he yelled at me, I got to the point where I could just calmly stand there and not care that he was yelling, I didn't react to him, I just left the room or just carried on with what I was doing.
You need to take care of yourself!
FYI, my ex- finally went for therapy and medication after I filed for divorce (which was recommended to him repeatedly, but he denied that he had a problem). Now that we are not together and he is getting help, things are amicable and we can spend time together with our boys.
Hang in here! you can change and improve your situation!
Hello Kelly
Thank you for replying
I do not think I can handle him anymore even if he gets help ...besides he does not believe in therapy
Even our adults kids don’t want nothing to do with him
He destroyed their dreams after listening to him ,because he is also a controlling person besides dealing with his anger toward me , our kids and some of the people we both know at work.
My kids call him “Psychopath Father”
They have been out of his life for years now