I have been divorced for 27 years. During this tin=me my ex was deployed a lot overseas always volunteering for Germany. I moved back to Ohio to be close to family. I found my ex had been cheating on me for 6 years while I was taking care of 3 kids stateside.
Although this happened my family and friends do not understand why we are still friend. I watch his house when he is gone and take care of him when he had surgery. He married the Russian lady (who is still there) 2 months after the divorce was finalized. He did not tell the kids or young adults till after he married.
Recently he was taking me to the airport on the way there he let me know his wife is 6 months pregnant I was the first he told He wanted to tell everyone else after the baby was born. I forced him to tell the family, or I would. By the way he 57 she 31. He goes there every other month for a month.
Im sorry this is so long. I don't know to continue to be friends once she is here it won't be happening. Thans for listening
Please google the term 'trauma bond' to see if this may be what you're experiencing.
He's using you. Yes, it's comforting to keep some sense of 'relationship' and/or friendship with him...but at what emotional cost to yourself?
This man cheated on you for SIX years :( CHEATED while you were diligently working your ass off to raise your children mostly alone. That takes a heck of a lot of work, effort and selflessness; especially with 3 kids.
His behaviour was completely and utterly disrespectful towards you, but yet you're still running around after him -watching his house, taking care of him when he had surgery...why? He now has a wife whose responsibility it is to assume the role that you seem to be holding onto as a way of continuing some kind of relationship with him? He's getting the best of both worlds: 2 women running around after him.
Let him go hun. It's now time to move on. Don't accept being second best. He's moved on-his wife is expecting their child.
How will you move on though? What positive future can you plan for yourself, that doesn't involve being treated like a house sitter and personal aide who's at his beck and call?
It's 27 years ago now since you divorced: Almost 3 decades have passed. Have you found a new partner? If so, how must they feel about you running around after your ex? Or...if you haven't found another partner-could it be because you've desperately hung onto a hope that he may come back to you? Either way- It's not good for your mental health and well-being. Part of you knows already hun that what you're doing is not healthy for you. That's the reason you've posted here. Trust your gut instinct. Move on and move forward. You deserve no less than happiness 🌸 He'll survive and you can thrive 🙏