Here's the problem, you are trying to go to therapy to change your husband. A therapist is no more capable of doing that than you are and coming across as the needy wife will probably be another reason he would resent reconciliation. Couple's therapy has to overcome the difficulty of one person wanting the other to share their perspective. By definition if you are going to therapy for it, it is a HUGE mountain to climb. You may find your efforts are better spent on you appreciating yourself enough to say you deserve more, you deserve better and you will work on you to get what you want.
Wendy,
The same thing happened to me 2 years ago. Except my husband didn’t give me the courtesy of letting me know he was leaving. It was just 15 minutes after our 26th anniversary ended and he snuck away leaving me sitting in the family room waiting for him to come back in from the garage.
I get where you are coming from. There’s nothing that quite matches the overwhelming disruption, confusion, endless questions, self doubt, etc. that come together in that particular scenario. And yes, you want him back. You want your life back. Incidentally, we did go to counseling for over a year and although he lied his way through it and didn’t put in much effort, often not showing up at all, it was absolutely worth it. A good marriage counselor sees you together at times and alone at times, and he helped me come to terms with some things which I may not have if left to try to play a guessing game on my own with an emotionally stilted husband. The counselor got to know both of us and helped me recognize my strengths. He also confirmed in various ways things about which I had been struggling for years, wondering if my instincts were correct (they were) and my husband had been playing cruel mind games in order to get away with his lies. If you find a good counselor…so worth it.
Have you ever heard of runaway husband syndrome or abandoned spouse syndrome? Learning that such a thing existed really opened my eyes. Look into it. I would like to stay in touch with you.
I’m 2 years out but have just stopped crying in the past few months. I do still have some bad days but now it is because I am afraid about how to support myself. I’m disabled, have to have surgeries regularly because of bone abnormalities, am always in pain, fatigue from my autoimmune arthritis syndrome (which is the most frustrating symptom of all), have no job skills and very little confidence. No money except what he gives me, which is soon going to be cut in half. I’m struggling to figure out what sort of work I can do, how to get an attorney, etc. I do need an attorney because he controls everything financial and won’t let me see anything. He has a decent job and lives with his girlfriend who also works. This is why I found this site. I really, really need advice and resources and I know there must be some sources available, but I don’t know where. I live in Washington State.
Thank you for any pointers that anyone can suggest.