I’m so sorry you are going through this. After 38 years, my soon to be ex did the same thing to me. That was 4 years ago. I was terrified. I had a mental breakdown. I did not think I could survive. Here I am today, still above ground. Not really ok, but certain better than I was at the beginning.

It will get better.

Hi Bee, I echo what Stacy says...I felt like ending it all after my husband of 38 years announced he was leaving me (he did it 10 years prior too, and came back after 1 year of committing adultery with another woman, and promised me that he'd never stray again...) I did everything to try to please him: Changed our lifestyle completely when he came back to try to meet his demands to make him happy. It literally felt like I'd given up part of 'me' in trying to appease and please him. When he walked out the second time (shortly after we'd become relatively young empty nesters in our early 50s and I was looking forward to travelling with him/early retirement potential/spending time together etc), to say I was overwhelmed and completely devastated and lost, would be to put it mildly.

A year on and I'm still really hurt, but gradually getting used to living alone. It sucks and I hate it and wish it weren't so, but I'm taking things one week at a time. I'm trying to focus on mindfulness, country walks, my career etc. I get terribly lonely and hurt when I see other middle-aged women out with their partners dining at cafes/walking hand-in-hand etc. But...I'm gradually coming to terms with the fact that it's better to be living alone, than living with someone who deliberately sets out to scorn you and make your life miserable and gas light the hell out of you when they're blaming you for their own short-comings. Im not sure I'll ever trust a man enough again to be in a long-term relationship. He's damaged my faith in humanity. I though he was my friend, my lover, my confidante, my playmate etc. Turns out that he was just another mid-life crisis tragic and pig!

Hang in there hun. It hurts like hell and there's no point in beating yourself up mentally wondering 'why?' You may never get the truth of the matter. Some blokes don't even quite know how to articulate 'why.' They often certainly don't want to be accountable for the hurt and trail of carnage they leave behind in their devastated partner. You now need to find a new way of living. It might seem daunting-even overwhelming at first-but try you must...Don't let the huge emotions become a tsunami, or they may overwhelm you. Talk to your doctor about Valium etc to take the edge off. Maintain your physical health. Take warm baths. Pamper yourself (facials etc). Take it one day at a time. Time IS a healer - despite the cliche. I'm living proof that you can endure and survive the breakup of a long marriage. It sucks. It hurts. It temporarily knocks the wind out of us. But slowly and surely, with the right counselling support, and self-love and belief, we can become strong, independent women. Be the best version of you that you can be. Thirive...don't just survive 🙏