I'm sorry your are going through this. I know it is hard.
I can only share my experience. Some of your comments sound like things my ex- husband has said to me.
Our marriage was challenging and he was emotionally immature and took his frustration out on me. We were married for 23 years. I told him many times that I was unhappy with the way he treated me; he would apologize and but his behavior didn't change. We went to a therapist who made specific recommendations to him which he never followed because "it wasn't his fault." I told him over and over again that I wasn't happy, things needed to change or I would have no reason to stay in the marriage, but things didn't change.
So, I filed for divorce. Now, to give him credit after the divorce he finally started to see a therapist on his own and got on appropriate medication and we have a pleasant and friendly relationship now.
But he would like to get back together and has said to me "that I need time to heal", "that he still loves me" (but he didn't love me enough to do the things that would have enabled me to stay in the marriage.), that "he wants me back"
But that time of my life is done. I am not going backwards. I will never get back together with him. I am happy that we can be friends and spend time together with our children without the fighting and such that we put them through. I'm not angry with him. He has asked for forgiveness and I have given it. I am not resentful towards him anymore.
But I will never be in a relationship with him again because I don't want to be.
I hope this helps somewhat to hear a different perspective.