Abbey, I understand your reluctance to take medication, but think of it this way...if the doctor just told you you had cancer, would you treat it or deal with it? You couldn't go on with cancer without treating it...it would get worse. How is this different? Treat your depression-you need it and your son needs you. Monitor things closely with your doctor as you would with any prescription. I'm proud of you for taking this step. And I'm happy that your ex got caught. Perhaps this will allow your heart to move on? Hugs.

Lol I lost the post.

Thank you Becky, ex is emailing like mad, Im choosing not to open them and hopefully I might calm down.

Maybe in a few weeks youll notice a more chilled out Abbey

There is nothing wrong with taking meds to help you through a rough time. Like Becky said you would take the meds if it were for cancer or any other illness. They are meant to help. The only time it gets bad is when you are over using them to self medicate your mind. There are times when people need prozac. Lord knows I have thought of it.
Good for you by not opening the emails. I actually quit opening the ones my ex would send me, then I finally blocked him and opened a new account. I would forward all emails from my ex to my brother who would open them and see if there was anything important in them that I should know about. He was my "buffer" He can also now testify that I wasn't making things up.
You will make it through this. You are strong. You will be a happier you when the six months are over and maybe it will help you to have a clear mind when you have to deal with him.

Thanks Lisa,

you know I never thought of that redirecting and Ive been sitting thinking that I would have to open them at some point in case it was regarding contact. Great idea. Now I just need to think of who...he usually slags everyone off in his tirades..one of my best friends is a police woman, hmmmmm.

The last email I did read said he would go back to South Africa if I tried coming between him and our son, I replied that that is a very good option and he should seriously consider it. To be honest I just think everyones life would calm down.
Probably just more bull anyway.

Goodness if my ex told me he was thinking of going to South Africa I would buy him the ticket, drive him to the airport and walk him to the gate and kiss him( okay maybe punch him in the face) good bye and go have a HUGE party with my friends and family
If only he would actually go right? Send them to the police friend. He is just sending you the emails to keep contact and you have to be the one to break all ties that you can. If he really needed to get in touch with you I'm sure he has other means to reach you. If it is an emergency he can call your police woman friend and have her get you.

Antidepressants....go for it! Last January, I hit a time when I couldn't sleep, had lost 30 pounds, and couldn't stop crying. My friend took me to the ER and the doc got me started on Xanax just to calm my nerves and allow me to get some sleep. I followed up with my GP and she put me on Lexapro as well. The Lexapro is a very low dose and has been perfect to make me feel even keil. I seriously think I would've wound up in the hospital had I not been put on antidepressants. Keep in mind that they are not permantent...just enough to get you through the rough times and then you can wean yourself off. I'm glad I'm on Lexapro. It has saved me. Xanax has too, although I rarely take that...only on a need basis.

Hang in there. There's no shame. You'd be surprised to know how many people are in your same shoes and need the extra help.

Hang in there. Be strong.

I am considering going on medication. I think there is no shame in admitting you need help. I am not sure if I'll follow through, on the one hand I feel I need it, on the other I am afraid of how it will affect me. I really don't have a buffer zone so if I don't react well, things will be OK while we work out dose or type. But having him living here makes me insane. Every waking moment I wish him dead, and often in my dreams too. Fine if he doesn't want me or kids, but at least have the decency to leave so we can heal and move on but he won't. He is a daily reminder and my anger is soaring to new levels. I don't act on it other than verbally. I won't act on it physically, he is not worth jail time and affecting my reputation. I have WAY too much good stuff waiting for me in a few months time, so not worth losing it because of this idiot. But GETTING THROUGH these few months and holding onto sanity? That's another question. I am taking kids away for Christmas. This time will let me get my thoughts together on whether I am going to try the meds or not. It's a tough decision. But none of us wants to take it for the fun of it! Just to be able to FUNCTION. Why these a$$holes have ownership of our happiness I'll never know. Why don't they just leave us alone???

I've been struggling with anxiety post my divorce.
I am not depressed but with so much change my anxiety is way up there.
I don't see anything wrong with taking a medication if you need it.
I often think of the amount of changes since now ex left. It is incredible. It's a wonder we're in one piece.
Not sure who mentioned getting the meds or ending up in hospital. Even if we fell apart & ended up in hospital it's still coming back out to face the cleanup. I say, meds.
I'm seeing a social worker now but the office she is in doesn't deal with medication & my doctor won't give out psych medication. I am so tired of changes that I haven't gotten around to getting meds.
It's just all nuts. If I could get some more easily I would be on an anti anxiety. Would be wonderful.
At least for a while.
Hang in there everyone!

Hey Ladies,

thought it might be helpful if I let you know how it goes.
Been taking the meds since last Friday so really too soon for any marked change, I was told one to two weeks before it would kick in but that I might feel worse before better.

First 3 days I woke up REALLY early almost hyper (Ive been zombified for weeks. Yesterday back to being zombified (but I also have water infection now too-antibiotics for that-most likey cos of diet or lack of it, ive lost an extreme amount of weight. I had trouble keeping my eyes open last night once past 8pm.
My thoughts are still buzzing with the ex, what he's doing, thinking, what I shouldve said, constant replay and the hope thats he's miserable as sin. My wish for his suffering is a good indication Im nowhere near over him and Im still angry as heck.
Yesterday I was also really snappy.

I will persevere because the alternative is a dark tunnel that I can no longer face alone. The last email I got from the ex is that he wants to kill himself....more bull as usual. Anyway Im rambling, Christmas is really hard isnt it? I just want some of the joy and laughter that I used to have in my life, genuine joy not just pretending.
When I look back at my life with ex, only one part of my life was wrong, I could still laugh and be happy with other parts of my life, I seem to have traded the part of misery he gave me for a complete life of misery if that makes sense?
Before it was multi coloured and the only grey was him, in trying to improve my life and getting rid of the grey Ive ended up losing all the other bits that were worth something to me, that made life worth living. I dont know how that works really.
Just musing out loud. Guess my aim is to come out the other side with no grey area left. I believe it will happen, its just hard getting there.

Abbey, thanks for the update!
Yes, Christmas is not easy. I think moreso for me it's that it's winter. But also with the weather there's more reason to deal with what is in front of me & leave some till spring.
I can relate to the turn of what was to what is.
I keep telling myself, there's a reason God Hates Divorce! & we are living that one out big time.
the ramifications of.
I did do what Mary Stearns the attorney that posts here suggested. I went to the store & got some fun things to decorate for Christmas, with the scents & all too, & even a little tiny real tree! So that's fun.

God Is Good.
Hugs.

JLVR

Abbey, I am so sorry for your struggles - and frankly don't blame you for being apprehensive about anti-depressants.

I have to admit, I realize anti depressants help make you feel better... but they don't make "it" better.

I know how awful it is with a bitter ex 'best friend' and I have struggled with similar situations and still do... and it's been six years.

I realized I could not change him... or the unfortunate circumstances, but I could change me.


It has not been easy, but immersing myself in new projects and immersing myself in personal development has helped more than I can say.

I know it sounds 'whoo hoo' but through all the devastation I've really become much stronger without meds.

Believe me... there were times when I just wanted something to take the edge off... and wow... the prospect of 'feeling better' was so tempting.

Gaaad... its so sad... and SO painful, but I truly think that turning the situation around and growing stronger (even though it's hard) ... and changing your mindset becomes easier and things happen that you don't expect.

I still get almost daily challenges... but I have learned not to let it send me into a pile of rubble.

You can't change them... its a matter of the ex needing maturity and realizing it's not about them.... its about the children... and that bygones should be bygones because we all have the right to be happy.

I know you feel like you are alone and helpless... I've been there. Many of us have similar horror stories and it just feels like the world is falling down in on you.

Keep your chin up and if you can avoid the meds and get past without them... you can surprise yourself.

If you'd like a suggestion or two, feel free to get in touch. I still have my share of challenges....