Dear JLVR,
Thanks for writing and for the kind words. I appreciate your suggestions as well. We are not financially bad off but he wants me to be and it seems to be heading that way. I cannot get over how he could have been so loving, so dedicated and now want to see me in the street, starving. I don't know what else to say. Very bad day for me. But again, thanks for reading and for writing. all the best, audrey

Audrey, I will keep you in my prayers.
The only way all of the loss in my life has made sense is when I see it through The Healing of God.
It's as if there is testing in life, continual as the evil one is the prince of the air (this is in scripture). God Has allowed us to be removed for a time from seeing HIM, because if sin in The Garden of Eden.
Divorce is so awful, then add to it, our own invidual situations which are unique, & it's a lot of work to get back to even ground.
The bible says that The Fruits of The Holy Spirit, are Peace, Love & Joy. God Is Love, so when we live knowing in HEAVEN we are completely healed from all of this sorrow, this is hope, to hold onto.
Something that helps me, is that I try to keep my life simplistic. Not bandaiding things but allow time to grieve, to believe that things will work out in time with God's Help.
I decided some time ago to live my life for JESUS, & I do not believe in fornication (biblical), or doing things just for momentary gain, but doing what is right & biblically correct (as I understand The Word).
SO, try if you can to let go & let GOD.
I find HUGE strength in this. We are mortal beings, there's good & evil, so we have to find that peace in our hearts & souls that sustains us no matter what.
Your cross is heavy, as all of us here can attest also. Continuing to reach out to others as you are, is healing, trusting that one can climb the mountain & reach the other side.
Yes, my ex was also could have done his part, he didn't. He left me with so much to deal with. I have a new hat on now in all of this that is a challenge (divorced) to come to grips with. BUT at the same time life is about challenges & growth.
As long as we do our best, giving our all & doing what is right, that's what matters.
I just see that Heaven is Eternal & that's what I work towards. This life is passing away, we renew in CHRIST.
Through this huge loss I feel RICH, in my spirit & soul. Try if you can to let go & let God, rejoice that you are a good person & do what is right.
Too, I think that the losses in life teach us empathy. If we did not loose at times we would not be able to give back, relate to those that struggle.
God Bless you. & Merry Christmas!