Sure, that way he and Santa get credit...Mom does the work, spends the money and gets no credit. My oldest (11) is starting to realize what I have done over the years. He is grateful and recognizes that it has always been me tucking $20 aside at a time to afford to make sure they have gifts on Christmas morning. Truly what goes around comes around. Hang in there.

Thanks Becky....I am trying~
:)

Yup I know what you mean about waiting for the day when they cant 'provoke a response' I sometimes wonder if it is possible to be so incredibly thick.

I also got the 'no money for santa' so Ive skinned myself and ex still has his 'money for beer'.
Ho Ho Ho.

Dropped my son off yesterday outside his dads. Son came back for last bag and informed me dad has a black eye (to go with the fat lip a week before) seems that beer money is doing him just fine.

Ive also had emails that have made me demented with his arrogance and when Ive made a decision to end contact it has often been destroyed by the sheer rage I have felt at reading his utter tosh. Im feeling it for you. Ive had peace for a week now, I have another week of peace (he has no internet access while at home) then we will see if he sends an email having let me 'cool off'. Im mustering all my energy in this time to get past it. I so want to reach that no provocation mark. We will, one day.

hear you Abby, in fact, I was just reading your thread on meds....you said some things that nailed it for me as if I was reading my own thoughts:

'My thoughts are still buzzing with the ex, what he's doing, thinking, what I shouldve said, constant replay and the hope thats he's miserable as sin. My wish for his suffering is a good indication Im nowhere near over him and Im still angry as heck.'


I have been calling out my STBX's character issues via email and it is getting me nowhere. I am so sick of feeling this way. I am so hurt that he just walked out on his family and turned off his emotions and is screwing his family financially...but I am reading a lot and trying to let go of the anger. Hate. Fear...these thoughts beget these thoughts...it is no good. he didn't want to change while we were together, he lied, was sneaky and did everything to benefit himself...even the presents that he got for our son he said he got to make our son's christmas the best it could be...really? if that was the case then those presents should have been from Santa because our son still believes.....no it was all for his selfish needs to feel like the good guy. I cannot change him so I am bound and determined to better me. I got on a website my sister told be about www.tut.com for notes from the universe...all about positive thought creating your reality and it is helping me. I am just going to get in the gym, do yoga and fitness training...my son starts his gymnastics there again so while he is doing that, I will pop in my head phones and not think about my ex. My sister advised me to pop in a workout video or something to work out to on youtube every time he comes into my mind to take him out of there...I am going to give it a try. I cannot keep thinking this way...it will only damage me in the long run if I continue to do so. Thanks for writing...you hang in there too...make things better for us and these things will get lighter on our shoulders. I have faith in that :)

sorry Abbey...I left out the 'e' to your name~
Cheers just the same~

Cheers Blindsided, Im also reading lots of positive stuff and trying to take back control of my emotions. Im currently reading 'The Secret'. Im thinking anything that may help is worth a try. I will check out the website it sounds very much like the book Im reading regarding the law of attraction. Its a full time job stopping all those nasty pay back thoughts that creep in and replacing them with thoughts of love and happiness but I'm trying!
Hang in there

Ive signed up for my notes, thanks for that.

The Secret is by the very same man who wrote the Notes from the Universe!!!! Wow...small world.
I sure know what you mean about the payback thoughts. I was feeling them constantly.
What I do now is as soon as a thought about him or his grandma (the woman who gave him his cowardly backdoor living space and blames me for him leaving saying, "what did you do? It takes two to ruin a marriage") When they come into my mind and a thought starts to form, I say out loud, I am not going to think about that and push it away. Then I think about my son and all the things he does day in day out that makes me smile.
I was reading all these books about being kind and forgiving....choke. I couldn't digest them. He is a worm of a human being, an unevolved soul who is highly self motivated and selfish. I found that I DO NOT have to forgive him....if that ever comes into play it will be when it is...I will not force it. But I do not have to think of him period....out of my mind except when I have to let him see our son for visitation.
I can get through this with positive thoughts about me and my children and look no more on him. Today was GREAT! I was up ALL day...and when I say up, I mean emotionally :) my first day since he walked out on us where I had a solid day of good hearted feeling...no sorrow today and tomorrow, I am going to make it that way as well...heck, from here on out. I do not need him controlling my emotions anymore. I am in control and he is what he is. No amount of sorrow, crying, fear, wishing, cursing, etc....is going to change him. But loving, nurturing, caring, kindness, compassion, patience, and pampering myself will change me....for the better.
Karma works and I will be seeing it happen in the near future...I hold to it with peace rather then hoping for his suffering...I figure that if he suffers, that will just be an added bonus~
Cheers Abbey and feel free to write me on my email as well if you want to keep in touch:
stvalerius@gmail.com

It not good to be separated from dear one. all time try to compromise it is the key. Because parents don't relies the bad effect of divorce on kids. So continuing conjugal life learn more to visit :
www.lovingagain.info

It is beneficial to you believe it.

Seriously Abdur!!! Is it better to stay with a man that lies, cheats, steals & disrespects his wife & kids. Trust me, my parents divorced when I was 12. It was the best thing that happened to me as I was afraid of my Father. It is healthier for parents to be apart if they are in a destructive relationship. Kids don't deserve to take on adult issues which often happens when parents are fighting & living in a deceptive manner. Kids are perceptive. Being exposed to daily dysfunction can change the template of who they are. I was happier & had a better relationship with my parents when their marriage ended. As for my marriage, my husband actively & randomly sought out affairs. I was lied to, direspected & essentially placed in harms way. Compromise-I dont think so!! I do have values, self-respect & dignity. The repetitive posting of the website you listed seems to air of questionable intent.

wow Abdur....my stbx left a family who worshiped and adored him. He lied to me up to the moment he walked out on us. He was on the phone with a woman I have never met for a solid month. He will not help me financially other then a portion of what we were barely making it on when he was here. I am homeschooling mom with no income other then my small business that was just starting to get off the ground when he left us and went stagnant the night he left.
I DO NOT talk bad about him to or in front of our child but for c's sake....the man is a nasty worm. He has sex with me Saturday night and Sunday morning telling ,e he loved me and then walked out on me Monday, saying he hasn't loved me in a while. So...nope...not a good man...no compromises. Just a happier future without someone who was broken from the start.

Abdur, it may not be good to be separated from a loved one, but my stbx is no longer a loved one. I "compromised" every day of my marriage. That is-I let him have his way to keep peace. A compromise would take 2. He walked out. Not a choice I had. No way would I want this back in my life. I fought hard for my marriage. I thank God everyday that I lost this fight. There's a song goes something like "sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers." There you have it. (Now hopefully I haven't offended anyone by mentioning my Christian faith on this site!)

I am a spiritualist Becky...
I am not Christian in the sense that I do not follow organized religion...but I DO believe in God. I believe in all the positive messages the all religions hold for us and also believe that the base of every religion is LOVE and there are many paths to the top of the mountain. We are all in this together and it is a learning adventure. You didn't offend me by any means. Namaste ;)

You made your point. You told him what you wanted and now i suggest you just ignore him and concentrate on your life and your son. Don't even waste your time responding. Some people deserve only to be ignored.

oh yeah, I have already moved forward :)
thanks~