Oh, Stacey! The worst hurt in the world is the hurt we see our children suffer! I'm hoping you have a good attorney for the custody issue? Even if it appears as though he has not chance in the world, you want to make sure you are well represented. As for your son, I would probably start him in counseling when this falls out. This is a person he can speak openly with without worrying about hurting your feelings. Lisa had a good idea about making your time together special time. But, yes, this is cruel. Good defense for your case on emotional cruelty, though. I understand protecting your son. Unfortunately this isn't something that you will be able to keep from him for very long. My oldest (11) is learning things about his dad that he didn't know before because I "protected" my kids from that when we were all under the same roof. My son was initially angry with me for keeping this from him. I think I would try to make my stbx tell him. This keeps you out of the middle of it. Besides, if he has to face him he might (there's always hope) see the destruction he is causing and rethink his choices. Has your son's biological father had any contact with your son in the last 10 years? Keep us posted on this. Hugs and prayers.

Becky- thank you for your response. Yes, my son sees his biological father, but not very often- usually once a month for a day or an overnight. They love each other and his biological dad really just doesn't know how to be a father...his own childhood was horrible. But, he loves our son more than anything...he just doesn't see him enough.

As far as the attorney, yes I have one that I think is excellent, but my stbx also has a good one. I am so angry that he is putting all of us through this. He has flip-flopped so many times as far as how he treats me - one week, wanting to be civil and nice and even be able to hang out with the kids together - and the next week, totally mean. He has a major issue with anger and rage, and has basically been a very controlling husband and dad. His moods dictated everything we did and said. Now, there is peace in my home, and it is wonderful.

However, the stress he is causing me is so unbelievable. He is counter-suing me for custody of our children, and he even told me that he will do "whatever it takes" to try to prove that I am unfit. I told him he will have to lie, create stories about me, etc. and he said "No, as long as you grant me custody, I won't have to do that."

He has two orders of protection against him, one from me when he threatened me with a coffee table (holding it over his head...among other things) and one from the police, for calling and leaving me a threatening message.

He called CPS on me and made false allegations against me (admitted this to me); the case was unfounded two days later. He truly will do anything. I believe he is very unstable.

Thank you for listening...S

I'm hoping some of the other ladies jump on this thread, as I know some have experience dealing with men (if you can call them that )) that will do anything to get what they want. I hope you are documenting all of this.

I am glad to hear your son's biological father is in the picture. I understand what you are saying about him not knowing how to be a father. Maybe now will be a time when he can shine? Since he loves him more than anything it sounds like he might be willing to step up and spend some additional time with your son? He may need some coaching from you or even a professional, but your son is older now so they may be able to find some really fun things to do together. His father may have an easier time knowing what to do with him as he gets older. Keep your attorney informed with all of your developments. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT! Making false allegations such as those to CPS won't look one bit good in court. Hang in there!

Hi Stacey, when I read your post my heart just sank. The utter depths some men will plunge.

I think your stbx has enough against him to prove who is unfit.
Do you think your stbx genuinley loves your son and is using this as a stick to hit you with or do you think there is no true bond? Is it one sided from your sons side?

I do not know what I would do. My first thought would be to withold all contact with all children until things are agreed permanently giving some cooling off time. I agree that this is an abhorrent thing to do and as mums we would like to see justice served and for your stbx miss out on the wonderful gifts children bring into our lives. Sometimes we do things that we dont want ONLY for our childrens sakes, thats why I am saying maybe a cooling off period would bring him to his senses? I dont know. He doesnt deserve the unconditional love children give thats for sure.

I hope you find some solution. Love your children, keep them close and they will survive anything. I wish you well. Keep us informed and know we are thinking of you and your children.

Hello ladies I have an 18yr old that my Ex does not want anything to do with. Only when he needs her, he calls her. At first yes, I tried to protect my daughter and tell her, her father loved her and would soon come around. Now she knows who he really is and she knows he will only look for her when she needs her. It is tough because I also have a 7yr by this monster, and the 7yr old treats him like crap. My son doesn't want to talk to him, won't take his calls and can't stand going over to his house. My daughter gets mad and tries to talk to my son to change his ways with their father but I have told her to stop. If my son wants to treat their father like crap, he has a right to. Don't worry soon your kids will realize what creep, monsters and Ass@@les their fathers really are and then their so call father will get what they deserve.

Something funny for all of you to ponder. My Ex actually lives with the OW. The OW tells my son how great of a man and father, her EX is, and puts my EX down in front of my son. Of course my EX is not there to here this. So it is just something to think and ponder

My ex called CYS on me. Seems to be a common thing for men who want to get what they want. Of course it was dismissed. My ex has told lie after lie about me not only to friends and family but to my children. I just keep praying for that day when my boys tell me they don't want to go to Dad's anymore. He is digging his own grave and I will not help him.

If I were you, I'd keep a very specific running record of any comments and conversations you've had about this, phone, email, in person, etc. When determining custody, the courts aim to determine what kind of parent a person is. If he's fighting for your other children, this will not hurt to have.

Keep a record, and talk to a divorce attorney in your state. Make sure they have specific details- you never know how a judge is going to react to something like this, but it's a smart step to take.

-Mary
www.stearns-law.com

Thanks ladies...I do have a good attorney, and I print out every email and text message that stbx sends me and give him a copy. He(husband) is counter-suing me for SOLE custody of our three children. It is the most absurd thing. Everyone who knows us knows that he has been a non-existent parent for ten years. Although he has sometimes been a good dad, the emotional roller coaster that he has had us on has been incredibly painful.

I truly think he has bipolar or some other personality disorder. He is also a recovering addict and has been sober for many many years. However he recently admitted to "smoking weed" several times over the last few years.

Next week (friday) we go to court for custody. I had no choice but to file because he was scaring me so much by telling me the kids should come live with him...etc.

I like the idea of not allowing contact with the kids until he cools down. However, I am certain his lawyer would use that against me and say I am keeping them from him.

The whole situation is horrible. It kills me that he calls here to talk to the three kids but never for his step son.

Thanks for listening. S