My heart goes out to you! I believe Becky had a great idea in reaching out to your local church. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. And this website is great and has helped me as I am going through my separation/divorce. I wish you all the best!
I agree with the others and with you. Sounds like you are taking the necessary steps. Get your SS card and birth certificate replaced, might also want to see what you can do to protect identity theft. Keep fighting, he can't get away with that. Don't blame yourself. I do that too. My stbx is an addict. Wanted out since day one. But I married him for whatever reasons and stayed with him for others. We must forgive ourselves for our choices and decisions. We all make mistakes, no need to persecute ourselves over it. It's done, can't change the past, but we can take control of our present. Look at how you reacted, you went looking for work, you contacted services, you are planning on going to the meeting. You could have buried your head under your blankets and stayed there but you didn't. You stood up. You put that smile on your face and got out. That smile will become real. No way you can be as strong as you are and not come out on top! Lots of prayers are coming your way, something tells me you will absolutely triumph over this and your stbx will be in for a very rude awakening!
I haven't read the replies yet but I suspect that others are saying, you are not alone, can relate, etc.
My ex was a drinker before we met, many years & yep I think it fried his brain that he was angry & mean. I loved him, he loved me but ya can't live on fumes!
I was not his first wife, he was my first husband. He is a non commital type of personality(I later learned).
My ex left me in big time debt, if I did not have family God Only Knows where I would be today. I'm on my own, & have been but they were supportive in my transition (being there & physically helping me out with move).
What I have heard & this was my experience is that a man of this type often one believes that they can save them, that it will be, "different," with us & them. It's not.
My ex took what could have been beautiful (& was) & chopped it to shreds. because? he could.
I don't know. If you can get through the first year or two of this, TRAUMA & I can relate! you'll be FINE. Understand that right now you are going through Major Loss. Be kind to yourself, seek much support & get away from him! He sounds dangerous.
that's my opinion from what you have shared.
Love & reality of what is are 2 different things.
I learned.
I do love my ex still, but I could NEVER be with him again. Like you it is the most loss I have Ever had to go through because of the hugeness of it all.
thanks to the ex. He could have done SO much differently but it would have taken EFFORT on his part. He wasn't into that.
You are not alone.
Hang tough & know that you'll get through this, one step at a time!
TAKE CARE!!!