Soooo update on my divorce and such. Still just separated...and tired of it. We had another big fight the other night when I went to the house to talk to him about why he hasn't tried to get a loan or anything. It just turned into another shouting match of who ruined the marriage...He says it was me an my cold heart...I say it was when he sucked face with his boss and spent all that time coming home late and spending our hard earned money on things for her. It's really sad that I am again going to have to do everything for this man to finally get him out of my life. He can't do anything on his own he freaks out at the thought of going grocery shopping buy himself. I married a child and thought he would eventually turn into a man but no he is still the same as always. He keeps saying he knows its over and that I am not coming back into his life but he just sits there and does nothing for himself and complains that its hard...I am so tired of his excuses. He is more like a bug now than the person I loved or my soul mate....That's so sad but true.

Hi there. I might not be the person you might be looking for a reply from, but your post reminded me of "keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer". I am going through a pretty civil divorce so far. However, I have had problems similar to yours with my ex before he was my ex. The only thing that fixed it was leaving. I have a feeling after your divorce, things will be much better. Also, my bio-dad was very much like this also. He would scream and yell and blame. He fought with me and fought with my mom, step mom, guardians, etc. I would see the changes in him, based off of how you treated him. He was trying to make everything difficult, but the more calm you remained, the better off he was. Instead of talking very professional and proper (like I did when I was ready to leave my ex), I found that it works better if you talk to these difficult men with a more laid back attitude that is non-threathening. If he feels like you will be there for him, then he will feel more comfortable. I am only twenty, but I have been in many difficult situations like this, and it works for me until I decide to rip the rug from under them when I don't have to be nice anymore...

It is so hard sometimes to remain civil, calm, etc. I am learning though. Jerk feeds on getting me upset. I now have my new favorite line-This is something I'm not going to discuss with you right now. This is something I'm not going to discuss with you right now. This is something I'm not going to discuss with you right now." On the third or fourth repetition he usually backs off.

I have tried both ways and the only way that works for me is being mean to him. I have tried being nice and he thinks he can walk all over me, and when he is with BF(big foot) OW(she is taller than him)he treats me all nasty and mean but as soon as big foot is out of sight the flea(STBX) is all nice. So I have decided to just be right out mean.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not nice, I just disarm him so to speak. But hey, if mean works I won't knock it.