I am sorry for your situation, yes you will be OK. Sounds like he has issues, blaming you and your not wanting kids right now. Chances are if you had a child with him right now, he'd say the baby is driving you away from him and he'd do this anyway. you are smart to know what you want. I also gave up a lot for my stbx...20 years ago. It only got worse. It is heart breaking I know, when you love and trust someone and they turn their back on you. I truly believe that one day you will see this as a blessing. You will find someone who loves you for you, who sees you as an amazing person, not a baby-maker. It's just an excuse, also saying you care about work and school. Well...shouldn't you??? Mine did the same, getting mad at me when he'd make reservations at a restaurant the night before an exam...ummmm...can it wait until the day after and we can celebrate? No. I am neglecting him. OK then. So he will 'never' make plans with me again because I 'always' make him cancel. My lifestyle is an easy excuse for his. So go ahead and cry,but don't forget to smile. I used to cry myself to sleep over the loss of my 'husband', the person who was supposed to be my best friend for life. Now I smile myself to sleep as I think of one day (whether or not it ever comes) being with someone who truly loves me and respects me and accepts me for who I am, and admires me for my ambitions, not make me feel guilty about them!! You should be proud of yourself, you know what you want, you won't be bullied by an insecure man. If and when you are ready for a baby, the baby will be lucky to be born to parents who want him or her for the right reasons, not as a token! It is so hard to let go, but necessary for you to feel better. Believe in yourself, belief in love, have hope and faith.

Thank you, it is nice to hear from others who have been through this or are going through this. He does use my lifestyle as an excuse because when I suggest we go out he wanted nothing to do with it, then he tells me he can't sit at home and do nothing. He goes out all the time now to bars with the OW when he would tell me that he was not into that lifestyle anymore. It does hurt and I know one day I will be able to look back and be okay with what is happening. I think being back at work has helped since I am no longer sitting at home alone with nothing to do.

Hi there,

I am not very good at giving advice. I am going through a divorce right now and I used to cry a lot before we separated. However, don't they say that love is blind? I used to sob and curl into a ball on my bed and ask God what did I do wrong? Well, after a while I realized the situation I was in, and I stopped crying over him. I remember reading that you have to love yourself more than you love him. His actions are not appropriate, and you deserve better. One thing I know from dealing with my ex is that the other women don't last. Whatever the underlying problem really is will surface, and I am sure it is not about kids. You are very smart to take care of your education before having kids, too. Just know that you will be okay, and this might be the path to a better life. If this isn't what you want to hear, then know that there are people who divorce and take a break and realize that they really do love each other. Sometimes people just need time.

Thanks, I know the underlying issue is not children or lack thereof. I wish I could say exactly what it is but in all honesty it could be a number of things. I know in the long run this will better for me it just hurts. How could someone who supposedly loves me so much do this? I have plans for this summer to finally go to Europe, my graduation present to myself, and I am looking into trying to get back into publishing. I love teaching but I hate the politics that go with it. I think this is a time for me to really find me, which is not something I did because I met my husband at 18 and we moved in together two weeks later. I need to find what makes me happy but the unhappiness is always present.

Oh, your post seriously made tears come to my eyes!! I am SOOO glad that you are going to Europe!!! I used to travel a lot when I was young. Met stbx at 18, married at 19 (often joke I peaked at the ripe old age of 18!) I am so grateful for my children, my education, my job, but I have such remorse for what I left behind for HIM. If he was good and kind and loving, it would have been worth it. But all I got from him was a life of hell. I really don't mean to sound ungrateful, I do count my blessings, but I can never shake the 'what if' feeling if I had been able to carry on with my dream. I am approaching 40 this year and have decided to revive those dreams. Ok, maybe some will have to wait until my youngest is grown, maybe some I can do now and bring them with me. I think it will do you so much good, you will remember who you were BEFORE him, before he blew out your light. It's still there, you'll feel that joy again, that energy! I am sure you will get to the job you want as well, never stop believing, never give up. You are only 28, so young, so much ahead of you!! I just read about a 101 year old woman who still walks to work. She has worked all her life, been at her current job for 25 years. that puts her at around 75 when she started that job???!!! Wow!!! 40 seems so young now! People find true love in their 70's and 80's! Read these stories, then you will see how much life you have ahead of you! Congratulations of your up coming graduation, sending you a big hug! Keep going, you have a great future ahead of you!!