I read 2 posts here but want to read all/will come back later to read/on my way out for the day.
I really enjoy this forum. It helps me also.
There are many emotions we have in this which is part of grieving.
I SO agree that any contact can take us peddling backwards. Sure there are have to's in it, but the way to least amount of contact & JUST FACTS the better.
I think the closure many times in divorce is our own.
My ex owes me money of which he NEVER pays. It's complicated but he is not garnishable, so can't take him back to court.
The whole divorce, debt, etc was thrusted at me to deal with, along with his leaving, fornication, lies, adultry, sloth, slander.
I can relate, yes I love him & ......................
but it does help to detach.
I don't know how people can be so irresponsible because I didn't grow up around those that live irresponsibly. To witness this firthand is beyond me, but yes DETACHMENT is healing. TOTALLY.
Yesterday I had these weird feelings inside of myself, that of course I would NEVER take him back, I believe he is so dangerous that it felt like being thrown under a bus then having him drive over me again & again. Those thoughts went through my mind yesterday & I felt sickened.
The closure comes when shutting the door.
Then healing of our own mind.
will write more later/thanks ladies, this thread I needed today.. will be back to read more!
I didn't understand my now ex because it's like he will not live who he is.
he lives a lie. When I am connected to him, I feel that negative spirit & he never did try to make it work. Some people are NOT meant to be married!
That is my belief.
ok later :)

What gives me peace is knowing God's Justice Will come.

I believe he will have much to account for on that day. not my problem.
I did everything I could to save the marriage & my part as wife. between him & God now.

I guess I am entering a 'backwards' stage now. Mine ignores me, I rage at him at any given chance (he refuse to leave my house). Yesterday kids were out and I said we can each have our say if he wants. He didn't say much (not much going on in his tiny brain, what he has is fried anyway) and I had my say. I didn't yell. Or cry. (almost did once when I told him I was angry because he was SUPPOSED to be my friend, but then I pulled it together, he didn't know). Sometimes I long for him. I want to tell him I forgive him and I know he'll be with me again. But when I spoke to him last night...didn't feel that. I was scared at first, thought I'd cry, or worse, get weak and hug him. Know what? As he spoke, I felt stronger. My resolve to leave grew. I felt the power he has had over me disappearing. I had NO desire to go to him. And I didn't feel angry either. I just NEEDED to have m few minutes worth of say. I still feel sad, but not so angry anymore. It was killing me. After seeing how he behaved, I now think he will NOT give me a hard time with this divorce. I think he was being such a dlck head because he thought I was bluffing. I have been threatening divorce for 20 years! But now...I am ready. I am not afraid to leave. Well, I am, but not to the point of not being able to do this. I have true faith that all will be fine. I will smile myself to sleep tonight thinking about my future and the peace that is waiting. And I wish the same for all of you.

I so often smile when I read these posts! :)
well, grieving is a process & certainly anger is one of the stages & NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's still undone business with financial & it is eating at me lately. Of course X would LOVE it that I am hurting/upset.. he seems to get a charge out of turning people's lives upside down, but that's for God To Deal with now, as to X.
My day ended ok but I was stirring in myself this a.m.
The only time I have missed him was on Christmas & he's been gone 2 of them. I don't know that I missed him last Christmas..

He may have been my love/ but he was & is no friend.
I found that peace again later in the day too.
When I quiet myself & then search my soul for the answer by asking God, I find it.
I understand I believe what happened & what likely will. I found that peace awhile after he was gone but it has sustained me.
Oh & we have no contact & it is MUCH better that way!

Being here has taught me a lot. I have seen some nasty behavior from the flea, I have seen how reacts when I am nice, it does not work with him, I have seen how I have to ignore him and be strong in front of him. I believe I have learned a lot and will continue to learn and put my foot down more often than not. Thank you ladies.

I was married for 23 years, I have been divorced for 6 yrs. I never thought I would have had the strength to file.Somehow, from no where I was going to see a lawyer and start the procedures. I still look back and wonder how I faced that. I think I know now. I faced alot of new challenges and felt I had lost my identity. I have grown alot since then, life's not perfect, but I am better for it.

I could use an understanding friend....I am not new to divorce, but I know the hurt and about tears. I have great periods in my life and times I feel alone. I am in a relationship, but I am carrying too many insecurities. I do have anger issues...that I am working on. I need to know I'm not alone.