What gives me peace is knowing God's Justice Will come.
I believe he will have much to account for on that day. not my problem.
I did everything I could to save the marriage & my part as wife. between him & God now.
I guess I am entering a 'backwards' stage now. Mine ignores me, I rage at him at any given chance (he refuse to leave my house). Yesterday kids were out and I said we can each have our say if he wants. He didn't say much (not much going on in his tiny brain, what he has is fried anyway) and I had my say. I didn't yell. Or cry. (almost did once when I told him I was angry because he was SUPPOSED to be my friend, but then I pulled it together, he didn't know). Sometimes I long for him. I want to tell him I forgive him and I know he'll be with me again. But when I spoke to him last night...didn't feel that. I was scared at first, thought I'd cry, or worse, get weak and hug him. Know what? As he spoke, I felt stronger. My resolve to leave grew. I felt the power he has had over me disappearing. I had NO desire to go to him. And I didn't feel angry either. I just NEEDED to have m few minutes worth of say. I still feel sad, but not so angry anymore. It was killing me. After seeing how he behaved, I now think he will NOT give me a hard time with this divorce. I think he was being such a dlck head because he thought I was bluffing. I have been threatening divorce for 20 years! But now...I am ready. I am not afraid to leave. Well, I am, but not to the point of not being able to do this. I have true faith that all will be fine. I will smile myself to sleep tonight thinking about my future and the peace that is waiting. And I wish the same for all of you.
I so often smile when I read these posts! :)
well, grieving is a process & certainly anger is one of the stages & NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's still undone business with financial & it is eating at me lately. Of course X would LOVE it that I am hurting/upset.. he seems to get a charge out of turning people's lives upside down, but that's for God To Deal with now, as to X.
My day ended ok but I was stirring in myself this a.m.
The only time I have missed him was on Christmas & he's been gone 2 of them. I don't know that I missed him last Christmas..
He may have been my love/ but he was & is no friend.
I found that peace again later in the day too.
When I quiet myself & then search my soul for the answer by asking God, I find it.
I understand I believe what happened & what likely will. I found that peace awhile after he was gone but it has sustained me.
Oh & we have no contact & it is MUCH better that way!
Being here has taught me a lot. I have seen some nasty behavior from the flea, I have seen how reacts when I am nice, it does not work with him, I have seen how I have to ignore him and be strong in front of him. I believe I have learned a lot and will continue to learn and put my foot down more often than not. Thank you ladies.
I was married for 23 years, I have been divorced for 6 yrs. I never thought I would have had the strength to file.Somehow, from no where I was going to see a lawyer and start the procedures. I still look back and wonder how I faced that. I think I know now. I faced alot of new challenges and felt I had lost my identity. I have grown alot since then, life's not perfect, but I am better for it.
I could use an understanding friend....I am not new to divorce, but I know the hurt and about tears. I have great periods in my life and times I feel alone. I am in a relationship, but I am carrying too many insecurities. I do have anger issues...that I am working on. I need to know I'm not alone.