I'm new to this site and new to this situation. I'm in my mid fifties, with cancer, unemployed because of my health and my cheating, lying husband of 35+ years left me high and dry after I got out of the hospital for a life threatening situation.

When I came home from the doctor's appt where the doctor said I was improving he became physically and verbally abusive, scaring the crap out of me. I called My adult son who came over because Kevin hurt me. When my son got to the house Kevin was all calm an smooth talking and said that I was basically crazy and that he knows he would never ever hurt his mother. After my son left the house he told me I might have an accident on the stairs and to be careful, so I said I would call the police. In the meantime he scratched his arm and since he takes plavix and blood thinner he started to bleed and he said call the cops, I'll tell them you scratched me and they'll arrest you. He sent me to another state to visit my mother and I went because I was in shock and scared of him. While I was gone, he cleaned out the valuables, took all the money, left me with no food, heating oil and a garage full of trash and said he couldn't live with anyone who is dying, he has to live. That he wasn't cheating.

Then I get a call from one of his former girlfriends of 5 years ago who he dumped when I said I'd divorce him and I was stupid enough to take him back and then got ill. She told me he is hooked up with another co-worker, so he is cheating again.

I have no money and an attorney who said she'd get the money from him, but her performance so far has been fair. I realize if you don't have a good attorney you get screwed and a good attorney takes money which he has and I don't. Since he left he has hardly paid me anything. I'm starving, my mother who lives off of SS is helping me pay the utility bills and I am really at my stressed out end.

Any Advice?

Have you tried contacting any community or county social services? Maybe they can provide you with assistance or refer you to an organization that can help. Does your attorney have any advice? I don't know if these ideas are of any help. Maybe you can also google local organizations that can offer help. Again, I am just guessing but, I do hope you find some help in this time of need. My thoughts and prayers are with you! Please let me know how you make out.

Trying asking the local churhc to help you! I am so sorry that this is happening to you but stay strong. I am a survivor of cancer and i know what you are going through but you must not give up! Ask th esocial worker where you receive treatment for help. Go to the Salvation army just go and get youself some help. Ask the local shelthers for help. Ask anyone, just ask

Joy, I am sooo sorry for your situation. Your husband should have to provide some support for you at this time. I understand what you are saying about the expense of an attorney. I fired one part way through because of only fair (if that) representation. The other ladies had some ideas for places to go to ask for help. I have read stories on this site from other ladies whose spouses abandoned them at their time of greatest need-if not physically, emotionally. They, too, had cancer. These women are survivors and you will be too! Fight, fight, fight for what you need. While it is of no help to you right now, your husband will some day get what he deserves for abandoning you. Prayers are sent your way. Please let us know how you're doing. Hugs.

Joy, I will keep you in my prayers too.
My husband abandoned me & it was severe, not just once but numerous times in all. I can relate in many ways to what you are going through. My family is nearby & were supportive (thank GOD).
I'm all set up again & situated but most certainly devasted because of what was left on my plate.
Like your ex, mine is abusive, has a history of marriage & divorce/cheating/lying etc.
My thoughts are now, what comes around goes around, he'll get his due when God Judges.
You say you have cancer, do you qualify for hospice (I'm thinking for some support that can come to you)?
Is there any way you would qualify for government housing/ a retirement community? You might call a # of churches in the area as well.
I consider myself pretty resourceful when I need things done (I enjoy looking for resource information) & since my ex has been gone I continue to uncover new information.. so don't give up..
some towns have homebound meal delivery or places that elderly/disabled meet for lunch, etc.
The agency on aging in your area could be another contact, for resource information/ Just let them know you are looking for info.
I loved my husband, but I still sit some days in shock at what transpired.. disbelief.
Yes, there is support here & also many stories that are devastating... you're not alone.
I think I've posted this here before but
phone companies/ electric companies/ doctors & hospitals usually have financial help for those who qualify. What about tax money, could you file early via a tax company or state & electronic to get some money for food. I pray you can get some immediate repreive.
I know my husband loved me. But he has no business being married (obviously), as he left me high & dry & seems to be on this path througout life.
It is very sad.
will pray for you.. keep in touch here if you can (as others mentioned).

Thank you. I have contacted various agencies. They are all overloaded because of the economy, with people being out of work and needing assistance.

I think there should be a law to protect sick and disabled spouses in case their husband or wife abandons them. Mine especially because he makes enough money to take care of me even if he doesn't want to live with me. He is just being selfish and he has thrown me away and dumped me on social services. Its just not right.

I posted my story on another website and got reply's like "You can't expect the taxpayers to take care of you". "You can't make him stay with you"

I don't want him to stay with me, I can't stand to look at his lying cheating face, but he should be responsible for taking care of me.

Joy

Hi there,

I'm really not good at giving advice, but I thought that you can request alimony in a divorce, right? I don't think you need a lawyer for that... I could be wrong.

I'm sorry for the way people are treating you, including him. You just need support right now. I don't know why he is acting like that, but maybe he is just scared. But think about it, when you recover everything will be all better.

It sounds like you have a home, so it's more financial assistance..
You are considered separated as to getting assistance for some things the move out date of the spouse (in my state this is the law).
If you haven't, check out if you qualify for electric & phone assistance.
many hospitals also have programs that they do not advertise, for financial assistance/ same with the doctor's that are associated with them.
Aging agencies often have their resource books online with much information..
I think it's federal, the, homestead taxes, & food sales tax, for elderly/disabled (again maybe you could file right away & electronically).
As to filing for divorce, it's best to get an attorney however, if one has to, it is possible to do so, pro se.
You can get info online through the court website.
I think I have heard advice here that one might trying calling an attorney to see if they would be willing to take a case pro bono.
There's legal aid, but that usually still costs.
If you can? Maybe just try to get yourself grounded, then deal one step at a time with the divorce proceedings.. or at least get some counsel, even battered women's as he left you high & dry..
I will pray for you!
Hugs.