Imagine all the men who have hurt the woman here in one spot...I'll start getting the chemicals for the bomb you want to bring the wine?

I don't know what the laws are in your state but when my stepson wanted to come live with us due to emotional abuse I discovered that in the state of Washington it was NOT up to them at ANYTIME. We had believed they could choose at 13. To change custody we would have had to prove that she was an unfit parent. It's not a easy thing to do and can become very UGLY. End of our story was we got him by agreeing to not make her pay support.

Big question is WHY do they not want to visit with him. Is he abusing them in some form? Is it that he bad mouths you and they are tired of hearing it? Is it that he has more behavior rules then you? Sorry had to ask that one because the same child went back to live with his BM after several years because we made him do things like clean his room, make his bed every day, let us know where he was, expect him to be home on time and do his homework. I hated letting him go back and it wasn't what was BEST for him (grades dropped, has responsibility issues, struggling as an adult to make good decisions)but we had always said it was up to him. Just wasn't going to play the bounce back and forth game. Is there a second family involved that gets treated better?

I have been on both sides of this fence. Helped raise HIS kids (who love and respect me)and ours are left struggling to figure out where they fit in his new life.

Know it may be a money issue but are there child advocates available that could help you? Ask your Lawyer or check with Social Services.

I wish you and your kids luck in doing what is best for them.

In the Uk we apply something called 'Gillick competence' it is about judging the understanding and maturity needed in a child to make their decision.

Each child is different obviously but instead of a one age fits all rule, it is based on level of maturity and understanding. My son is 9 but I beleieve he would be found competent if asked for his reasons why he didnt want to see his dad.

I think its disgraceful that the voice of children so often goes unheard/ignored.

ps
Ill bring the chocolates