Mine is a drinker too. If he ever said he'd quit (his line is he won't do it again, but he also will NOT get help, so he always fails and I am SICK of it), here's what I'd do. Explain the hurt he's done. Give him one year to prove himself (do NOT be with him during this time!!!). Don't take him back in hopes he'll change. Make sure he's changed BEFORE taking him back. If he's not willing, if he's accusing you of cheating (besides, is it cheating if you are divorced??), then he is being an alcoholic i.e. selfish and manipulative. If you really want to make a go of it, which it sounds like you do, I'd really put him to the test. How much does he want to save his family? How hard is he willing to work? Just enough so he gets the better of your emotions, knowing if he messes up again you'll fall apart but still be there? Or hard enough that he will wait forever for you and get professional help and do whatever it takes to prove he has hit rock bottom and now wants to climb up. Good luck to you, I hope all works out for you. For me, too many broken promises. Not doing this again, I'm sick of the drama and just want peace and to move on with my life. I can't ever trust mine again, he does drugs too and isn't here for us and mine can go to he11 for I care. So I do hope the best for you, but protect yourself, get therapy for you, go to AlAnon meetings, whatever you need to make sure you are OK. Give it time, really make him prove himself. You will BOTH be better off.
Thanks, you have a lot of good advice. I know that he needs professional help and has agreed to get it. you're right , I will not jump back into this because next time will be harder to get help. I will wait until I see and watch him get the help he needs. When he was not drinking he really is a nice person but the drinking got so bad until he never stop, so the fussing and the cursing and all else kept going on and on. I hope I know what I am doing but until then I will keep my place and he keep his. I may meet him but not sure at this time. He wants me to date him again.
I will be keeping an eye on this, please keep us updated.
My ex has always stated he wants me and that his life is falling apart without me. He is drinking now and yes his life is in bits because of it. However he strated drinking because I left. He was sober for 7 years before. Says he will stop the moment I tell him to.
Hes done some really awful things though since drinking.
Please let us know how things go. Good luck.
Just wondering, how long have you been seperated, not just divorced?
Kennedy, my impression from your post is that you would really like for this to work. The use of alcohol can destroy people's lives. I agree that he should have to first PROVE that he has changed, then you can consider getting back with him. He needs to be in counseling, AA, or whatever else. He needs to prove it over time. I also think you should get into counseling to help you with this process. If you do meet him I'd do it in a public place. Protect yourself until he has proven himself to you. If he is sincere about wanting to change, he will do it for himself, not for you. If he is just doing it to get you back, I would think the chances of it lasting aren't real good. If he truly is wanting to become a better person, all the more power to him. Good luck.