Sue, I agree, but also Anger is a stage of grieving. I was doing great & really not much anger for a long time. But lately having to deal with financial I find myself with quite a bit of anger again.
One has to go through the stages to get to other side.
I'm with you, & Mary's post too...
But the forum is to be able to share what we are going through.
It hasn't been until recently I have felt that intensity of anger again. Stages of grief are repeated until healing occurs. It often takes a couple of years & sometimes longer...
I hear you, I agree.
but we are here to talk about what we have gone through so that we can heal .. :)
(listed on forum heading "Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!")

Oh, I truly agree & certainly have my moments of anger. I actually have found when I am angry, dealing with the grief has been easier for me. The whole divorce process is very personal. I think it's is OK & healthy to give into all of the emotions at times but when it becomes all consuming it can be debilitating. For me, when I spend days consumed with the whys & decompensate, I just feel worse. The reality is my husband is happy, moving on & in love with another woman. I deserve the same. I just thought I would share what helps me through the rough times. After a year, I do find it is time for me to start changing the channel when I notice myself spiraling down a self destructive path. I still struggle but want to move on. I find when I spend so much time not letting go, it prevents me from focusing on myself. I do hope I dont go through another year of grieving. I am sick & tired of being sick & tired. To me that is a positive acknowledgement.

Sue, I felt like I had come so far, & I know I have.
It's just been in the last week or so that this is churning & it's related to the financial stuff & legal matters & I'm waiting to hear back from the lawyer/he's dragging his feet right now.
That's bugging me.
The weather has been nasty, that's another thing that has me down some.
He's been gone long enough I know where to go in my head to shift gears, & that took time to figure out..
I think it's related to this unfinished business & just the ........inside of me knowing how he burned me so badly not paying his share of the debt, then goes on with his life like it was nothing.
Before the divorce I remember feeling these emotions, livid at times because of the insanity of what all he did to me (the lies, cheating, financial weight of it all now & what he did). As you say, it serves a purpose to get through, the divorce, the legal part, where one has to think about it. Too, Mary's advice was helpful because I am struggling in my anger with the absurdity that he left me to deal with this/ it didn't have to be so.. he could have helped, he was court ordered to... SO, I have to not take on that guilt, the anger is justified, but to push through to other side then I'll be done with the fiasco of X.
I've come so far.
I do think I understand him /his type/ very well, that egomaniac self of his/ that will never stop to LOVE. He lusts, he always wants for what he doesn't have. Part of the anger is in wanting this nightmare to not be, but he is what he is, I am what I am. The end.
:)

I also at times feel like I am in the middle of a bad dream & ask myself what the hell happened. I was also a bit burned. I was the primary earner throughout our marriage. My husband took a job at the time of our separation that pays four times the amount I make, then he left me. Well, I actually kicked him out after discovering among many other things that he was unfaithful. How sobering to walk into your doctor's office in tears, asking to be checked for STD's. I felt used & as if my entire marriage was a bit of a con. My divorce has also dragged on a bit & been very costly. I do hope the finality of my marriage will give me some closure. I haven't spoken to my husband in a year. I fantasize about what I will say to him on the day of our settlement but know in my heart it will take everything in me to not fall apart. The truth of the matter is that we were both loving, faithful & trusting wives that chose to believe the best in our partners. That is the hardest part for me. It was so unnecessary. I would have moved on years ago had my husband respected me in the least by revealing the depth of his uncertainty & infidelity. I hope we are both able to move on. I know that I took the high road & acted with integrity throughout this whole process, despite being grossly disrespected. I find some peace in this. I do understand how you feel. There are days that I feel physically ill because of the overwhelming confusion & grief of it all. It does help to vent. I have gotten emotional relief from this site knowing others can relate to how I am feeling. I wish for you love for yourself, faith & some emotional relief from all that you are going through. ~We will get through this~

Sue, well said.

I was grounded when I met my husband, it was my first marriage, I got to know him over time, & believed that he meant what he said & would walk in what he convinced me we were about. I could see it & believed in what I came to know.
It's WEIRD to me to have to then step aside & pretend that this did not exist knowing what I knew/know, why I found it so odd, all of this but as is life, one has to roll with the punches, & yes, taking the high road, then we are again Blessed.
I'm convinced my ex is dealing with dark forces, & my Catholic upbringing is that I think he will deal with it one way or another & with GOD. I do love him but do not understand why he chooses to walk a path opposite of what he said God Showed him. But that's not my problem nor concern & I realize this is what you are saying one has to stay in that mode, post divorce.
I think we are here to learn lessons from Above & we have to walk the path again & again until we get it.
I think ex still doesn't get it..

I completely agree with this statement. I have been seperated from my ex for almost 2 years. He still will not sign the divorce papers I have sent him over and over and over again. Yet I will not allow this man to take any more from me then he already has. In the last two years I have really learned alot about myself. I am strong, I am kind, I am loving and I am ready to love and be loved again. Sure I get angry at my ex, a lot some times, but my anger is for the things he is just now doing, I will not waste time on being angry about what he did to me. He gives me enough to be angry about with what he IS doing
Find something to smile about every day. Expecially on the bad days, even if it is just to check out your teeth in the mirror You'll feel better

No it doesn't matter if they are just friends and yes you have been betrayed. He's just self-serving. Doesn't matter if it's women, drugs, alcohol, whatever. The fact is he KNEW you wouldn't be happy if you knew, so instead of just NOT doing it, he still did and hid it. Childish. I know some of the things my stbx has done over the past 20 years (drugs/alcohol) but I am sure there are a million more things he has done and I just don't want to know. Once you leave, it doesn't matter anymore. I don't have to worry if mine is sleeping around while intoxicated and possibly bringing back diseases. He doesn't admit to ever cheating and I have never found any evidence (he's pretty ugly and smelly too, I kind of believe him)but it doesn't even matter if he straightened himself out and , umm, bathed, because I don't want him anymore. Not having to WORRY about it is a HUGE relief. I can live my life as I want and he can do whatever. I just need to get him OUT OF MY HOUSE permanently and all will be better. So I am sorry for your hurt, for the betrayal you feel, but proud of you for knowing this is wrong. You deserve to be happy. I feel it is never too late to leave. After 20 years of marriage...well, at least it's not 21 years. So how ever long you have been with him, at least it is not one year longer! I'd rather be free from him tomorrow and die the next day knowing that freedom than live to 120 and die married to him, still in pain, still feeling unloved, unappreciated, and totally disrespected. I still dream about him. Even last night I dreamt I was with him. It was so nice. But when I see him in real life, it's like a crazy monster takes over me! You see, my life has been like the dream. I have been in love with a fantasy. I can still go there in my sleep, but in my waking moments, I see him for what he is. He is the true monster. get mad, get free, then get happy! Good luck and God bless.

He definetely has betrayed you with an emotional affair, you have every right to be angry. I am going through the same thing with my husband who told me a few weeks before Christmas that he wants a divorce. I was totally blown away because I didn't know that anything was wrong. He goes on to tell me that it wasn't my fault and that he just feels we got married because of our son. He said he didn't love me and wasn't sure if he ever really did. You can imagine my devastation to find out that the only real person that I've ever truly loved has decided to walk out on me and our family. I never questioned his faithfulness before that but I started checking our phone bill and saw that he had begun calling and texting a girl about a week before he asked for a divorced. There were thousands of text messages between them through all hours of the day and hundreds of phone calls some lasting hours. I found out is a 24 year old college student from his home town who he claims as a "friend". He didn't understand why I was upset and said that he talks to her for "advice", lol. Not likely. He's been lying about where he goes and found out that there were other girls that he had been talking too also. Then he asks for his phone to be taken off my account because he didn't like me seeing who he was talking to and that I was spying on him. He maintains that he hasn't cheated and that she's a friend but how can I really believe him now. He has refused to even try to work anything out and says that the only way we'll ever have a relationship is after we get divorced. He says that if we can survive a divorce then we can survive anything, classic! What a bunch of bull! He just wants to keep me around for a booty call. He told me that I didn't "lust" after him enough and that's why he started talking to these girls because they showed him that they "wanted" him. I'm sorry that work, kids and life in general kept me from "lusting" after him but that's life. He always said that he never wanted his son to have divorced parents but that is exactly what he's doing. The good thing is that I have the support of both mine and his family. His family has been great with helping me deal with this and they are great about letting me know that they love me. I am just trying to take this day by day and although I am truly devastated by losing the love of my life, I know I have to go on for my children. I can only hope that one day I will find someone that loves me as much as I love them....one can only hope I guess. Hang in there ladies and it will eventually get easier..I hope, lol.