I just found this thread today,and reading the posts has helped me to see I'm not alone in this. I almost wish I could say my husband is abusive, but he's not. Compared to the many problems I've read, I should have little to complain about. He's a sweet, caring man who really loves me. I have tried for over 10 years to feel the same, but it's just not there. Neither of us has had affairs (that I know of) and it's not that I'm even interested in dating anyone else. But I feel like there is something missing in our marriage and has been for a long time. The sex between us is nonexistent now, because I just can't bring myself to be with him.
It hurts him, and I feel terrible. We have two kids, 5 and 7, and I worry that divorce will hurt them too. They love their dad and he loves them.
But honestly, I just can't see as as anything more than friends. Our anniversaries come and go, and I can't contemplate a mushy card. It's a lie. He says I love you all the time, but I don't say it back. I just smile or mumble a that's nice. And I feel awful for it.
I just want him, and ME, to be happy. I keep wondering if I'll take my problems with me if I go, but I'm actually a happy person when he's not around. Can you fall out of love? Or was it even love to begin with? I remember being so happy to see him those many years ago. We went through an almost divorce before my 7 yr old was born, because my husband wouldn't have sex with me. And I wasn't overweight at the time. He just isn't very physical and I've tried to get over my anger at this, considering I told him how important the physical aspect of marriage would be to me.
Now I'm just tired of it all, wanting it to be over. He suggested counseling, but I don't think I care. But I should go, I guess, so I can try to see if I change my mind? I'm just confused about it all, and tired of dealing wit it.
I think we have all been there at one time or another, The Flea(EX) was really nice when he was in trouble, when he was with me, then when all his trouble were over he would turn into the nasty man alive. I knew he had other womans and was willing to look the other way.
You know when a man has another woman, when they are more than friends and when they are just friends. One I always told the flea(EX) a married man can not be friends with a single woman. I am sorry but that is just the way it is. You know there is more to his mood swings, you just don't want to admit it right now. Look into your relationship and you will see. Take care and keep us posted
Please realize that this is said in your best interest.
Just have to say you could have been my ex to a degree. If you really aren't going to give marriage counseling a shot it's time to get out. Things will only get worse over the years until you do. Your kids need to have a chance to see what a happy/healthy relationship looks like. Everyone will be better off.
Do yourself a favor and get individual counseling. You will probably carry these problems with you relationship wise unless you can figure out what you feel is missing.