Nowhere to go but up, I suppose. I had a huge bout of self-pity this morning and found myself in tears, screaming at the universe, 'WHY DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME? I WANT MY LIFE BACK!'

And then I realize...Beast has the life that I wanted for myself, so I cannot have it; it's hers, and so is WK, and so, if she has her way, will my kids be -- unless she can "get rid of" them like she wants. My stepsons, she wants to adopt; she wants WK to adopt her daughter because she is supposedly "his daughter returned in spirit". (He doesn't want to adopt the girl.) She's saying things like, 'Oh, but if you doooo, it will be JUST LIKE WE HAD A BABY TOGETHER LIKE WE SHOULD HAVE ALL ALONG.' All along? All along...when? When both of them were married to other people? His daughter was born when he was a teenager! This woman is NUTS!

You know I sometimes feel the same way. I hate the fact that I helped The Flea become the man that he and another woman is taking all that away from me. I helped him climb the latter to his job now, and as soon as he got the position he wanted he dumped for a "better woman" or so he says. A woman he himself talked so bad about. He criticized her to the point of being a "Whor*" who slept around on her husband and look where he is now. p I see my life so different than when he was here. Don't get me wrong I sometimes do wish I had my life back, but what kind of life did I have, I played the good wife, while he basically played the playboy life. When he need a family, he was a family man, when he didn't he wouldn't even look at us. Now it is the same way with my son. When he wants to be a father, he wants more time, when he doesn't, he doesn't even call. Keep your chin and think you are better off. Try to get your kids with you and soon you will see life is much better. Take care.